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Pirateyness Chart of Beer, Wine, and Spirits

A little something I found while digging through some old files. I don’t believe I ever got around to posting it here, so it seems time to remedy that. I present my carefully researched Pirateyness Chart of Beer, Wine, and Spirits. And a special thanks to “How to Speak Pirate” for the inspiration for labeling the pirate archetypes.

My hope is this chart will have a timeless and limitless impact towards the betterment of humanity. That, or at least encourage you to tease your mate for being a milquetoast next time they dare order rosé wine in your presence.

Pirate-Spirits-Chart

 

“My Underwear Costs More Than Your Car…”

I’ve been thinking about underwear. Not in a juvenile giggling way, nor a creepy Victoria’s-Secret-catalog-stashed-behind-the-garage way, but more in a, “gee, my underwear is all falling apart. I should do something about that” sort of way.

At one point this would have meant a trip to Target and buying whatever’s cheap. It’s just underwear, I figured, so who really cares?

In more recent years I’ve learned that I care, as I’ve been spoiled with slightly nicer, mid-range underwear from Express made with better cotton, better elastics, and a fun little lions-on-a-shield Express logo that made me secretly feel like royalty. Or a knight. Actually, it’s the better materials that really matter – bargain boxers feel like sandpaper in comparison, and I couldn’t possibly go back.

A few years in and I’ve been pretty happy with this level of underwear. Now that I need more, I’d have gladly restocked with the same except nobody seems to make mid-range boxers anymore – it’s all about the boxer briefs these days. And so I explored further and tried a test pair of what I’ll call “affordable luxury” boxers, made with cotton poplin and science. They’re from Mack Weldon, and I have to say they’re really quite brilliant. Super comfy, and that 2% of spandex means you can bend over without cutting off the blood flow to your legs, which is a plus.

But now that I’m on a roll, I figure why stop at affordable luxury? Why not TRUE luxury? Why not super expensive underwear made from endangered silk worms harvested by fairies and gold-plated unicorns? (more…)

The US Space Program, Past and Present…

note: I wrote this some while back and posted it on Tumblr because it wasn’t piratey. Nobody saw it because Tumblr. So now I figured is a good time to post it here :)

With the retirement of the Space Shuttle, much has been said lately about the successes and failures of NASA and the space industry. I felt it was time to more closely examine our esteemed astronauts’ accomplishments, beginning with the Mercury Program, through to the present day, and beyond.

spacesuits

Note: I stole the above image from rockets-2-go.com. Visit them and buy stuff.

Mercury 1959-1963 – First Flights

Befitting their fresh-faced enthusiasm, NASA hit the ground running with a look that was classic and sporty. A high-riding crotch and lace-up boots give an athletic impression, while silver mylar says “we come to party.” (more…)

Choose your wine, Choose your loyalty…

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I have a deal of experience reviewing rum. And very soon I plan to broaden that scope into other fine spirits. But wine? Am I that fancy? I know stemmed glasses are involved, and you’re supposed to do something with your pinky, I think? Cheese also has something to do with it, I’m told.

Still, I just might have to figure it out, what with the “Wines of Westeros” about to launch. 12 wines representing 12 houses (more or less. Do White Walkers count as a house? Do they even have houses, or just rustic-but-charming igloos? G.R.R. needs to wrap these books us so we have answers!) (more…)

Pirates… and other stuff.

So if you’re here, you’re probably wondering what the hell’s going on. I mean, Bilgemunky.com has gone through a few versions over the years, but this new look stands in stark contrast to anything before. Well, that’s not by accident.

I’ll freely admit that it’s been pretty quiet here the past two years. Sure, a post now and then, but ever since I shut down Bilgemunky Radio the blog has also been only an occasionally-updated entity. Well, I’m thinking it’s time to get back in the saddle, but with a twist.

To be honest, “all pirates all the time” just hasn’t been doing it for me like it used to. So rather than agonizing one moment further about how to keep Bilgemunky.com afloat while I’m exploring other waters, I’ve decided to bring the site along with me. What does that mean? It means I have a Japanese Whisky sitting here next to me that doesn’t have squat to do with pirates. And you know what? I’m going to drink it. And then review it.

It means the next time I find myself as an official photographer at a dinosaur-themed fashion show, you’ll read about it here, even though it too has squat to do with pirates (but it was seriously, seriously cool.)

It means if I’m too busy playing Grand Theft Auto to review the latest pirate game, then screw it – let’s just talk about Grand Theft Auto already.

Basically it means space monkeys and ninjas and scotch and race cars and jedis and really neat gadgets with bells and lasers… if I’m fortunate enough to come across it and it’s cool and worth talking about, then it will be here. And yes, that still includes pirates.

A map. And rum. A map of rum.

So the fine folks at Coconut Bay Resort saw fit to create an interactive rum map. It’s sort of like playing Sid Meier’s Pirates, except you don’t have much chance of winning the Governor’s daughter. Loads of great rum, though, so click the map below to check it out!

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