Yo ho, yo ho…beauty and a bottle of rum?

The Examiner recently posted this article about all the various beauty products out there that are rum-based. Not that this would come as a surprise to anyone that’s met me – I bathe in rum daily, which is why my skin is so radient. My healthy teeth and gums are a direct result of mixing rum into my toothpaste, and my youthful appearance can be chocked up to weekly rum injections directly into my cheekbones. Botox ain’t got nothin’ on rum!

BBC NEWS | UK | Scotland | Tayside and Central | Support for bid to clear pirate.

Sure, I understand the controversy around whether or not Kidd was actually a pirate. In truth, the evidence I’ve seen indicates that he almost certainly was not, and was ironically made the scapegoat of all sorts of little (and not so little) scandals. But why clear him now? Don’t these people have something better to do other than clear the name of a convicted pirate more than 300 years after it will do him any good?

Free Pirate’s Code with the true history of pirates in a beautifully illustrated booklet.

The only thing I know about L Ron Hubbard is Scientology. And all that I know about Scientology I learned by watching Southpark – which means I don’t know much. I did NOT know that Hubbard ever wrote about pirates, but apparently he did at least twice – Under the Black Ensign, and Pirate Code. This second of which is actually a smaller booklet that you can get for free by signing up for a newsletter. I’m rather on the fence on this one – I’d like the free book to see just what we’re talking abou there, but I really don’t want to wind up on a scientology list. What to do, what to do…

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www.rootjack.com

It’s a well-accepted fact that root beer is the most piratey of all non-alcoholic beverages. If this is news to you, then you really need to play The Secret of Monkey Island to further your piratey education. If you’ve already played Monkey Island but still dispute root beer’s soft-drink dominance over all piratedom, then you’re not as smart as I’d hoped (and likely not as good looking, either.)

RootJack is a new pirate energy drink from Voodoo Elixirs. Essentially orange flavored root beer with extra caffeine and guarana, RootJack makes no claims at fighting ghosts (again, see Monkey Island) – it does, however, fight scurvy thanks to a full day’s supply of vitamin C. So long, puffy gums, so long bleeding sores – RootJack makes it all better, and tastes pretty good alongside. [read more »]

Avast: Pirate Chic Returns – BlackBook.

There’s a right way to do pirate fashion, and there’s a wrong way. Wanna guess which one Vivienne Westwood chose? The wrong way – definitely the wrong way. But now that I think on it, most ways I’ve seen on the runways have been the wrong way. Jean Paul Gaultier back in 2007 had a mixed bag, and Gwen Stefani with her Rich Girl video struck several high points, but most of the stuff out there has been sorely misguided – and that goes double for mens’ wear. Why, oh why does no one design awesome modern clothing for the heterosexual, non-demented guy pirate? The answer, of course, is that straight, sane guy pirates pay no attention to fashion whatsoever, and buy most of their modern clothing at yard sales and side-show gift shops.

A few more highlights: [read more »]

www.norcalpiratefestival.com

Mid-June has come and gone, and it was my great pleasure to attend the Northern California Pirate Festival in Vallejo. Having attended this festival each of its three years, I’d love to say that I’ve witnessed it grow into something fantastic, but in this rare case no growth was necessary – never have I seen an event so much hit the ground running as this. The 2009 season proved every bit as worthy an event as its two predecessors as the waterfront park was again converted into a full-on pirate festival for two days during Fathers’ Day weekend. [read more »]

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Click to buy!
from Internet Wines and Spirits
www.vizcayarum.com

One of these days, I think I need to write an article on which I judge various rums based on nothing more than their packaging. It might sound laughable, but in truth packaging can tell you quite a lot about a rum (or at least, what the manufacturers think of their product – or rather, what they want you to *think* they think of their product.) And also, reviewing rums based on packaging alone would protect me from those embarrassing times when I nearly finish the rum before I’ve bothered to review it. Such is the case with Vizcaya VXOP – it’s been on my shelf for a terribly long time, and I’ve stolen a glass now and then to the point as to be nearly empty. And yet, I never reviewed the damned thing. [read more »]

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Genre: Pirate Rock
Rating: R
Target Audience: Grease monkeys, pool hall junkies, and garage rockers that wish they were pirates.

Rather than settle with “Watered-down Rock Scurvy” or “Cut with Baking Soda Rock Scurvy”, the pirate-core band Brine&Bastards has selected nothing short of “Pure Rock Scurvy” for their second album (following Set Sail for Sodomy.) Something of a mini-album featuring only six songs, it nonetheless holds its own as a worthy addition to today’s growing genre of pirate rock. [read more »]

As promised, here’s my own efforts in the Captain Jack’s Pirate Hats Video Contest, starring myself and my beloved “Captain Kidd” hat. If you’re also the proud owner of a Captain Jack’s Pirate Hat and haven’t yet made your own video, I believe you have until August. So snap to it!

Hopefully it plays ok – this is my first video of this sort, and the resulting file was surprisingly beefy (especially considering the low-res, grainy nature of it.) Oh well, if it crashes everyone’s computers, I’m sure I’ll hear about it.

Less than one week until the Northern California Pirate Festival! This is its third year, and if the previous two are any indication I can practically guarantee that this will be one of the best events of the year – The Pirates Charles, Skip Henderson, Roving Tars, The Seadogs… loads of great, piratey vendors (no aluminum siding sales, or renfair crap), and even one of the best fair-food selections I’ve ever seen (last year I think they had organic fish tacos or something like that.) And best of all? At Saturday night’s party yours truly will be DJing live! Hope to see loads and loads of you there!