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www.dirkandarrow.com

I’ve stated before that a pirate needs a hat, and this is true. But a pirate also needs a flag. After all, if a pirate doesn’t have a flag, then what will they hoist before attacking Spaniards? Well, without a pirate flag they’ll either hoist their nation’s ensign (which makes them a privateer, and a poser), or they hoist whatever happens to be onhand at the time, which can lead to all sorts of embarrasing situations.

So yeah, a pirate needs a flag. And while many pirates opt to buy the first cheapo jolly roger they can get their hands on, TRUE pirates will design their own [read more »]

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www.sideshowtoy.com

By all accounts, Blackbeard was a beast among men – towering over his contemporaries, and piratey to the core. Well, this new collectable figure from Sideshow Collectibles is no different. Standing at a whopping 19 inches, and with a scowl that could melt granite, this rendering of Blackbeard is truly the meanest, pirateyest thing to come across my desk in some time. Striking a “Captain Morgan” pose atop a demolished cannon (which he probably head-butted), Blackbeard stands poised for a moment to catch his breath between slaughterins. His blade is drenched in naval blood, while his enormous flintlock (actually, a doglock I believe) stands ready to bring a quick end to the next bloke that looks at him funny. All together, this statuette captures a moment of Blackbeard’s life that not only sums up his own legend, but pretty much defines the legend of Caribbean piracy in its entirity. [read more »]

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www.hotpiratebabes.com

I’m still putting 2008 on my checks, and here comes the 2010 Hot Pirate Babes Calendar. How the time flies.

I’ve reviewed the previous three incarnations of this calendar, so feel free to read those reviews if you *really* need an explanation of just what a “hot pirate babes” calendar contains. The rest of us, however, shall jump into the nuts and bolts of the matter and consider just what 2010 appears to have in store.

As with other years, the 2010 calendar features a range of pirate babes, some of whom hit the “hot” mark with more grace than others. Five months, in fact, offer babes of reasonably passable hotness. February brings us a gypsy gal for those who prefer their girls to exercise a little modesty (in the face, if not exactly elsewhere), [read more »]

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www.budgetgadgets.com

In the golden age of piracy, sailors would tell the time by the sun (or by divining the entrails of a spaniard.) These days we’re lucky – we have wristwatches and iPhones. But neither of these options seem very piratey, do they?

WRONG!!! See how I set that up? Now you can tell time or make phonecalls in the most piratey fashion possible thanks to BudgetGadgets.com, who now offer two solutions to let you sport technology without betraying the pirate code (I believe that somewhere in the code it does indeed forbid the public usage of all non-piratey technology.) We’ll begin with the iPhone case, which is made up of two pieces of plastic that readily snap together to cover your phone from top to bottom in skulls and crossbones. [read more »]

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www.schifferbooks.com (cardstock version)
www.dragonfiresigns.com (wooden version)

In my years of reviewing pirate products, I’ve seen a lot of repetition in product – multiple manufacturers of pirate hats, multiple varieties of pirate games, all sorts of varied pirate music, etc. This isn’t remotely a bad thing, as variety and options are indeed the spice of piratey life. But it is a rare thing to come across something truly new, as is the case with The Pirate Tarot.

For those unfamiliar, tarot cards are intended as a way of divining the future. Cards are shuffled, a question is asked, and the cards are layed out in patterns to represent past, present, future, and any number of other factors. Tarot deck designs are most usually mystical in nature – elves, wizards, etc, but can be made in any number of themes, including – at last – pirates. [read more »]

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www.rootjack.com

It’s a well-accepted fact that root beer is the most piratey of all non-alcoholic beverages. If this is news to you, then you really need to play The Secret of Monkey Island to further your piratey education. If you’ve already played Monkey Island but still dispute root beer’s soft-drink dominance over all piratedom, then you’re not as smart as I’d hoped (and likely not as good looking, either.)

RootJack is a new pirate energy drink from Voodoo Elixirs. Essentially orange flavored root beer with extra caffeine and guarana, RootJack makes no claims at fighting ghosts (again, see Monkey Island) – it does, however, fight scurvy thanks to a full day’s supply of vitamin C. So long, puffy gums, so long bleeding sores – RootJack makes it all better, and tastes pretty good alongside. [read more »]

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www.surpreyes.com
Purchase at www.etsy.com

Is this the weirdest item I’ve ever reviewed? Maybe. Wait, there was that one rum that tasted of breakfast sausage…

No, this is weirder.

It’s a pirate head. Well, most of a pirate head. Jawline up. And he appears to be sleeping. No larger than a baseball, his firey red hear spews in all directions. There’s even a braid or two amongst the locks. [read more »]

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www.spiritsippers.com

Let’s face it – for all our talk, for all our fancy clothes – we aren’t pirates. Oh, I’ve spent my share of time at sea, but I’ve never served time in a Turkish prison, never gutted a Spaniard, nor run off with the governor’s daughter. But I am true to piracy in at least one respect, and that’s via the rum. I drink the stuff – and not as some mixer in a froo-froo drink either. I drink it from a leather canteen at times, and a copper cup at others. But mostly I drink it from a small green goblet I found a garage sale.

I’ve been reviewing rum for some time. Over the years, I find that I’ve gotten much better and picking apart a rum and noticing its subtlties. This holds particularly true with smell. But one thing I’ve never paid much attention to was the shape of my glass. I know that wine buffs will say the glass makes all the difference, but those are wine drinkers – cocktail dandies who know even less about Spaniard gutting than I do. Why would I care what they think? [read more »]

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www.hotpiratebabes.com

So here it is mates – the review you’ve come to look forward to this time each year. The temperatures may drop, the leaves may fall, and the breeze up your slops may have a bit more bite to it than you generally prefer. But at least we have one thing to look forward to – meeting the 12 pirate babes with whom we’ll be sharing the coming year.

If you’re like me (and I know you are) then you view this time with anticipation and trepidation alike. After all, it’s not every day we learn what sort of lasses will be staring at us from our wall for the next twelve months, and I already know I’ll like some more than others (which is always awkward.) Take 2008, for example. Calendar-wise I’d say it was a pretty good year, although I never could come to terms with Ms. July’s over-eager grin – I just *knew* she’d slipped something in that mug she was holding up. And Ms. September left me feeling mighty uncomfortable and fearful for 30 long days. May and June, however, could have gone on forever, for all I cared. But this is the crux of the Hot Pirate Babes – artist and photographer Tiger Lee has generously invested his year scouring the ends of the Earth to select for our enjoyment 12 pirate beauties – some being women of action, others of mystery, and still others of, well, you know. It’s like having your very own harem selected on your behalf by a guy you’ve never met. And being as tastes can so widely vary from one bloke to another, we can only hope he knows what he’s doing. So let’s take a look and find out… [read more »]

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David Delamare
www.aviddelamare.com/mermaids.html

OK mate – first thing you should know when decorating yer cabin/office/rec-room – old world maps, as great as they are, *can* be overdone. Proper pirate wall decor requires variety. It requires color and texture. It requires bare-chested mermaids.

Artist David Delware has released a series of three prints, each featuring various encounters between pirates and mermaids. They’re pretty, and they’re large (review prints were a hefty 10″ tall and 20″ wide.) All of them make fine use of “candlelight” coloring, focusing heavily on warm golds and with most other colors (with the exception of some blues) being rather muted for a nice, old-worldy effect.

[read more »]