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Reviews of Miscellaneous Pirate Booty

Review: Pirate Goblet

Rating: ★★★★½
Captain Goldtooth Pirate Pottery
www.captaingoldtooth.com

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – nothing spoils a glorious pirate personna faster than drinking out of a dixie cup. You may be the meanest scalliwagg around, complete with glorious brocade coat and a bicorn hat that eclipses the sun, but if you’re sipping your rum from a disposable plastic container, you still look a ninny.

Fortunately there are options – pewter and stoneware solutions are on the rise, from tankards to flasks to onion bottles. Pirates can select from the extremely fancy to the simple and rustic. Personally, it’s the rustic I often like best, as it seems most suited to the consumption of rum. And it’s in this way that Goldtooth Pottery truly shines. But if you’re not a rum fan, don’t let that stop you. Goldtooth drinking vessels are just as suited for the drinking of Kill Devil, Bomboo, Flip, Grog, or just plain ol’ distilled molasses. (more…)

Review: Rum Jug

Rating: ★★★★☆
Quicksilver’s Pirate Pots
www.piratepots.com

Grog – water, sugar, lime, and rum. It’s as simple as it is beautiful, with a name that rolls off the tongue and a taste that rolls right back in. Say it with me now – grog.

Of course, you can’t generally buy grog. You have to make it. Which means you need something to serve it in (and your plastic Kool-Aid pitcher doesn’t count.) Now, nancy-boy spaniards might be fine with a cut-crystal punch bowl. But you and me – we have our pride. And we have Quicksilver’s Pirate Pots and their line of jugs. Available in three sizes, these are the perfect vessel for your piratey concoctions. From one to four quarts, your masterpiece will be held safely within, right up until pouring it for your wide-eyed guests, who can only guess what sort of magic might spring forth from such a piece of tablewear. Select black or lichen green (think Davey Jone’s ship color, more or less), these bottles come emblazoned with skull&crossbones, or with the words “grog” or “rum”, for the extra-organized. And they’re even available with custom inscriptions, for those what have something special to say.

Like all of Quicksilver’s line, these jugs are food and dishwasher safe, leave no taste, and look fantastic. Well worth checking out.

Review: Etched Glass Flask and Leather Pouch

Rating: ★★★½☆
Pyrate Leatherworx
www.pyrate.org

*note: I adore and endorse the craftsmanship of Pyrate Leatherworx. However, I’ve received many reports of late from dissatisfied customer regarding poor communication and long overdue orders. Prior to placing an order based on this review, I strongly urge you to first read these comments from concerned readers.

Pyrate Leatherworx’ etched flask and pouch set is basic accessorization at its finest – a basic glass flask with a jolly roger etched into its face, along with a rugged leather pouch, held shut with a doubloon and leather strap.

Little need be said of these items – except that the glass is roughly cast for that old timey feel, and various designs are available to choose from. And the pouch is a fine and functional costume item, with or without the flask (I find it terribly useful when wearing costumes without pockets.) (more…)

Review: Rustic Pirate Flag

Rating: ★★★☆☆
Nautical Antiques
www.piecesofship.com

Pirate flags today are available everywhere. Polyester flags abound for those on a budget, and nylon for those looking to weather a few storms. The variety is nearly endless – from tradiononal jolly rogers and historical emblems chosen by famous pirates to modern and original designs, there is certainly something for nearly every style and taste.

One market has been notably untapped, though. This would be the person looking for a flag with a more historical “feel” about it. A flag made from course weave cotton, much as the flags of Blackbeard and Calico Jack might have been done. A flag that will age in the sun and carry that true battle-worn, weather-beaten look that seperates the posers from the pirates. And at long last, someone has stepped up to the plate to bring us exactly that. (more…)

Review: Custom Leather Tankard

Rating: ★★★☆☆
Scurvvy Dawgs
http://www.scurvvydawgs.com/store.html

One of the best things about being a pirate (aside from rum and wenches) is that there is no uniform. We’re each free to pick from a near endless variety of colors, styles, and accessories to look our unique piratey self (and if many uniquely choose to look like Jack Sparrow, hey, who am I to judge?)

So, let’s say you’ve already created a wholey unique pirate wardrobe? What’s next? How’s about a truly unique, custom made leather tankard? Personally, I know I could spend forever and a day searching for that perfect mug that just screams “Bilgemunky” – all to no avail. But as you can see from the photo, I gots me one! This is thanks entirely to ScurvvyDawgs.com. They make a variety of leather goods, but it’s the tankard that I’ve had the pleasure to experience first-hand. All I had to do was provide a picture of what I wanted, they embellished that with their own colors and stylizations, and there it was – a lovely tankard that is truly worthy of the Bilgemunky. (more…)

Review: Indian Grog Box

Rating: ★★★☆☆
Dress Like a Pirate
www.dresslikeapirate.com

It never fails – you’re heading to a family picnic with a fresh bottle of rum when some young barnacle throws a frisbee right in your face. You, in a fit of blind rage, throw your rum at the scalliwagg in piratey retaliation, only to see it shatter against the pavement. The brat runs off scot-free, leaving you crouched down and sobbing like a schoolgirl – but it’s not the shards of broken glass pressing into your kneecaps that make you weep – nay – it’s that your rum is rapidly soaking into the ground. Some ants and earthworms days have been made, but your own is forever ruined.

The way I see it, there are two ways you could have prevented this catastrophe. The first is to enroll in an anger management program. This frequently involves time, money, and sitting in a circle with strangers while you talk about “feelings” and perhaps even hug. Bullocks to that, says I. (more…)

Review: Pirate Scented Oils

Rating: ★★★★☆
Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab
www.blackphoenixalchemylab.com

Some folks think smelling like a pirate is something that just happens – go someplace hot, engage in some sort of manual labor (like gutting spaniards), and let the sweat do the rest. And to be honest, this method is highly effective. But it also explains why so many pirates had to pay for their female companionship.

So what does a pirate do if he wishes to emit a manly scent – one that bespeaketh of robust skullduggery, and yet still makes the ladies’ toes curl? That’s where Black Phoenix comes in. Black Phoenix carries an enourmous variety of scented oils, many of them aimed at the graveyard crowd. But if you’re willing to do some digging, as with John Hawkins, there’s treasure to be found. They in fact offer several pirate-specific oils, reviewed here, and also several pirate-friendly oils (with names like Voodoo and Port Royal,) which I’ve not had opportunity to review, but probably smell perfectly piratey as well. (more…)

Review: Tankard and “Warning Shot”

Rating: ★★★★☆
Quicksilver’s Pirate Pots
www.piratepots.com

It may come as a surprise, but I throw a fairly sizeable Talk Like a Pirate Day party each year. This past September I’d planned out my outfit very carefully, having much of it custom made. Large hat, wool frock coat, bucket boots… I hope it’s not overly bragging to say that I looked quite dashing, and I have pictures to prove it. But that’s where the problem strikes; in each of these pictures – me looking all piratey with my new duds and swashbuckling grin – in each of these pictures I’m holding my piratey beverage in a plastic cup. PLASTIC! Hell, I won’t wear socks unless they’re piratey, and yet here I have a photo album full of me in pirate garb drinking from a plastic cup. I feel such shame. (more…)

Review: Swashbuckler and Shipwrecked Scented Soaps

Rating: ★★★★★
Arcana Soaps
www.arcanasoaps.com

This item is available through multiple retailers. Bilgemunky.com recommends www.dresslikeapirate.com and www.stumpyandscurvy.com.

It’s good to smell like a pirate.

Think you’re dedicated to your love of piracy? Do you have four pirate hats, three frock coats, and more cutlasses than you can swing a parrot at? Think you’re dedicated? Let me as you this: Do you wash daily with pirate soap?

Dress Like a Pirate now offers a line of handmade pirate soaps. I sampled two of them – the Swashbuckler and Shipwrecked. (more…)

Review: Pirate Hat Stand

Rating: ★★★★★
Captain Jack’s Pirate Hats
www.captjackspiratehats.com

Proving once again why he is amongst “The Enlightened”, Captain Jack’s Pirate Hats now offers the most wickedly perfect hatstand imaginable. If you’re at all like me, then one look at the picture above and you’re instantly salivating, knowing your life won’t be complete without one. All you need is reassurance that it’s all it appears.

So…. let me reassure you. This hat stand is top quality through and through. Not a single sign of plastic or shoddy craftsmanship – like Jack’s hats, it may as well have fallen into your lap from the 17th century. Not that you’d want it to – it’s deceptively heavy, which is good because it will stubbornly display your hat for all to see, defying nor’easterly winds and playful cat paw alike. (more…)