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I’ve long been at odds with myself as to which rums I should review, and which ones I shouldn’t. It used to be that I only reviewed rums that I considered to be “sippers,” being as flavored mixing rums are too difficult to seperate from the quality of the mixed drink itself (seriously, even a simple rum&coke is far more forgiving of a rot rum than would be that rot rum by itself.) But here and there I’d find a rum that wasn’t really a sipper, but still warranted comment of some kind. And then a lovely package from Three-D Spirits arrives at my doorstep containing not one but three mixer rums. I mean, they made the effort to send it, the least I can do is offer comment, aye? [read more »]

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Made from four year aged rum, steeped with genuine spices, and named for the famous quote regarding “Rum, sodomy, and The Lash.” If you’re a typical Bilgemunky.com reader, then you’re already intrigued. Now how about I tell you that The Lash literally discourages mixing their spiced rum with anything save ice or nada – got your attention yet?

The Lash is a class act from the bottle onward. Short and squat with a synthec cork, this rum takes a far more old-world asthetic to its packaging. The cat-o-nine tails logo is present enough to lend the sense of high seas drama, but not so blatant as to make you feel like you should be wearing bondage gear to purchase the stuff. And the rich, deep amber color of the rum inside is not only warmly inviting, but gently swirls with a small amount of sediment left over from the spices. [read more »]

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www.roaringdanrum.com

It’s just a fact – Wisconsin is known for cheese. You want to know two things Wisconsin isn’t known for? Rum and pirates. But surprising as it might be, Wisconsin now has both.

“Roaring” Dan Seavey was indeed the only person ever charged with piracy on the Great Lakes, and it’s for this reason that the Great Lakes Distillery opted to name their very first rum in his honor. A scalliwagg of the early 20th century, Roaring Dan was hardly your typical golden age swashbuckler – but he was mean and cantankerous enough to put even Blackbeard to shame. Indeed, Blackbeard never used his own ship as a floating whorehouse, nor did he dispatch an opponent in a bar brawl by dropping a piano on his head.

Like the seagoing miscreant whose name it bears, Roaring Dan Rum is far from typical. [read more »]

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www.vampirates.co.uk

Vampirates – is there a combination of archtypes that were ever more perfect to be merged? Actually, I generally think yes. Despite the play on words made possible in their names, vampires and pirates seem to have very little room for creative overlap. Pirates drink rum, vampires drink blood. Pirates suntan, vampires burst into flames. Pirates spread joy and sunshine wherever they go, vampires spread only misery and despair. See? Incompatible. And yet, author Justin Somper actually does a decent job of bringing these two entities together into a relatively cohesive and entertaining package. [read more »]

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I’ll be perfectly honest – I was predisposed to not like this book. I actually found the very fact that it was published at all to be disrespectful to Michael Crighton’s legacy. It was published posthumously, you see. And while that may have been perfectly acceptable had Crighton just completed the finishing touches, but hadn’t yet got it to the publisher, my understanding is that this was far from the actual case. In fact, indications were that Crighton had written this book many years ago, and had chosen not to publish it – presumably because he didn’t feel it met his standards for public consumption.

So yeah, I thought it rude of Crighton’s estate to disregard his apparent wishes regarding this book – but hey, what do I know? I could be dead wrong on my interpretation of the situation. And so I attempted to read Pirate Lattitudes with a clear mind, and to evaluate/enjoy it without dwelling on the circumstances of its publication. [read more »]

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www.rondiplomatico.com

I’ve stated many times that, for me, rum enjoyment begins not in the glass, but on the shelf. While you can’t judge a book by its cover, packaging matters. Rums like Diplomático Reserva Exclusiva clearly understand this truth – from its squat, frosted bottle to the montone, duty-stamp label this is a rum designed to convey a product that’s traveled a great distance, and a great exapanse of time, to find its way into your eager hands.

This initial impression is only slightly hindered by the plastic screw top and one-way diffuser, an understandable precaution to ensure the bottle hasn’t been refilled and resold by some miscreant, but I always feel robbed of the experience of working the cork for the first time. But let’s move on, as there’s rum to be poured… [read more »]

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www.dirkandarrow.com

I’ve stated before that a pirate needs a hat, and this is true. But a pirate also needs a flag. After all, if a pirate doesn’t have a flag, then what will they hoist before attacking Spaniards? Well, without a pirate flag they’ll either hoist their nation’s ensign (which makes them a privateer, and a poser), or they hoist whatever happens to be onhand at the time, which can lead to all sorts of embarrasing situations.

So yeah, a pirate needs a flag. And while many pirates opt to buy the first cheapo jolly roger they can get their hands on, TRUE pirates will design their own [read more »]

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When I started reviewing pirate books, I never would have guessed that I’d so often also be reviewing time-travel books. I suppose it makes sense, as piracy – the swashbuckling, romantic sort, anyways – has long gone the way of the dodo, and time-travel would seem an obvious method of connecting the modern protaganist with a true buccaneer adventure. Also, never would I have guessed all the different methods of time travel I’d discover – antique contraptions, offshore wormholes, time-stretching caverns… and now, sleep. With so many methods of time travel available to us, it’s really a wonder that real-world quantum physisists are having so much trouble pinning it down. Maybe they just don’t read enough pirate books. [read more »]

This is an actual photograph of this book as it appeared to me while reading it.

I tried. Really, I tried. But I use a reading light, you see. It’s because my wife doesn’t like to sleep with the lights on, and I can’t read in the dark. So the reading light is our solution. But as with all things, batteries don’t last forever, and so mine died before I was even a full page into Hook&Jill by Andrea Jones. No worries, I have spare AAs… somewhere. I dug and dug, and found four. My light needs four because it’s old and inefficient. I changed the batteries and again set myself to reading, but then the bulb went out. Again, I have spares. I changed the bulb in the dark. It’s tricky business getting those two teensy weensy prongs to fit in place without being able to see. But as with all things, I was victorious in the end. I read another paragraph…

and then the bulb again died. I again replaced it. That one burned out too.

Come morning, I learned that two of my AA batteries only *felt* like ordinary AA’s. Had I been able to see them, I would have known they were special voltage AA’s intended for my cordless mouse. I guess that’s why the bulbs kept overloading and burning out. But burn out they did, and so here is my review of Hook&Jill, as best I can do without having been able to see the words: [read more »]

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Genre: Pirate folk rock
Rating: PG-13
Target Audience: Pirates. If you don’t love this album, you’re a poser.

A review of The Pirates Charles’ new album Rise almost seems redundant. I mean, it’s The Pirates Charles for crike’s sake! And, as always, this album is full of “almost traditional” music akin to what pirates would have listened to if only they’d thought of it. If you’ve heard their earlier albums, then you know what I mean. And if you’ve ever seen them live, then you know it even moreso. [read more »]