Megan Fox Doesn’t Get to Play Pirate

See, this is why it’s good that I don’t glom onto every rumor that comes along about PotC4. For a week or so now I’ve seen headline after headline that Megan Fox was considering a role as a mermaid in the next Pirates film. The rumors seems insubstantial, though, as 1) While she was clearly expressing interest, not one story offered any evidence that she was actually being considered. And 2) My gut says the role she was talking about was the one already slated for some French chick. Ms. Frisby, or something like that.

Anyways, rumor-busting story here:

Megan Fox Will Not Be A Part Of ‘Pirates’ Treasure

Which begs the question, was there ever a story at all, or was this just a publicity stunt by Fox’s manager to keep her name in the headlines? Seems like a good idea, actually, which is why I hereby announce MY OWN plans to star in the next Pirates of the Caribbean film, where I’ll be portraying the seasick deckhand who accidentally pukes on Jack Sparrow’s boots. Hilarity ensues, until Jack quietly stabs me in the throat and dumps me overboard. At this point the film will take a surprisingly somber note, and children in the audience might even gasp a bit. But then Jack will make a joke about the rum being gone, at which point everything will be cool again.

Comments (3)

  1. Dman

    bilge i think i should be the other way around jack is puking and you stab him in the neck and throw jack overboard. and then say something only the great bilgemunky would say or just burp in his direction.

  2. Jim Ryan

    My guess is, Ms. Fox’s folks put that out there to (a) prove that Michael Bay can’t cut her career down by firing her, and (b) get her name out there just in case JONAH HEX can’t build up her sagging profile as much as she needs it to.

    Besides, we have Penélope Cruz confirmed for POTC4, so what the heck do we need Fox for? Hardly miss her, frankly…

    Though it does raise an interesting question: Whom would you cast for a female-centric pirate film, Bilge? If you had the capital to make a film like that, and the Casting Society of America-affiliated professional asked you for your “wish list,” who’d be on it…?

  3. Bilge (Post author)

    Interesting question, Jim, and one I’d never considered. Generally speaking, I don’t think too many Hollywood actors or actresses are exactly great talents – for the most part they make the role into themselves rather than themselves into the role. As such, my dream film would probably be cast almost entirely with no-name talents.

    While there are some notable exceptions, I usually find a movie more immersive if I haven’t previously seen the protagonist battling giant robots, saving the Care Bear village, or doing dope on the covers of tabloids.

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