Pirate “Adult” Toys

Posted on April 21st, 2010 in News

So a while back I learned about an upcoming line of toys being produced based on Pirates 2: Stagnetti’s Revenge. Shucks, I was excited as I envisioned my very own Captain Reynolds action figure bravely combating the evil Stagnetti, while the mighty Jules attempts to thwart Xifeng’s efforts to make zombies or something. Ah, such times we would have.

Well, guess what? The toys are now released, and they’re not quite what I’d envisioned. It seems that “adult” toys sometimes don’t mean action figures for grownups, but rather something quite different. To get an idea of what I’m talking about, check out this picture, but don’t click it if you shouldn’t (that means you, kiddies!)

There’s more – you can view them for yourselves at fine adult establishments everywhere. Adam&Eve, for example, has a wide selection of piratey naughty toys, just run a search for “pirate.”

5 comments


Written by Bilge

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5 Responses to 'Pirate “Adult” Toys'

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  1. Hahaha! That is the funniest thing ever! Any chance of you giving away one of those in a future contest? On second thought, I don’t know if anyone here wants a used one…

    Red Beard

    21 Apr 10 at 12:19 pm

  2. Blast it man…warn yer crew before ye waggle that thing!
    That be either the worst hook I ever seen or one bent cannon!?
    Looks to have been on the bottom fer a bit…all barnacled up and such?

    Arghhhh!

    Capt. E.

    21 Apr 10 at 2:51 pm

  3. You know, in my quieter moments, when I invariably drift into thoughts of what I’ve achieved in life, what the purpose of it all has been, and what’s missing from my existence – what’s causing that conspicuous absence in my soul – I never seem to derive a satisfying answer.

    But, now I know.

    It’s a pirate vibrator with variable speed settings.

    PS – Is that supposed to be a kraken clitoral stimulator? Because, I’ve ALWAYS argued there’s never been enough kraken clitoral stimulators in this world.

    I want to buy one so I can cuddle up to me wench and yell: “Release the kraken!” Laughter will ensue. And then hot, passionate, pirate booty plundering.

    Capt. Thomas Foolery

    21 Apr 10 at 6:37 pm

  4. Was I really transferred to a rubber dong site by Bilgemunky? Hey, if you think I’m keeping it clean during your regular show (or as I call it the pre-AD drink to forget time), think again.

    Will the Bilgemunky love doll come with kung fu action grip?

    Doglock Hawk

    22 Apr 10 at 2:26 am

  5. Clearly you never been to Singapore, mate!

    Capt Thighbiter

    22 Apr 10 at 7:48 am

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