Pirate Documentary to be filmed on Lady Washington

So documentaries are fun and all, but if Blink Films wants the real story of Caribbean pirates they should have just asked me. In a nutshell, the actual pirates were AWESOME. They drank rum and sang songs all day, and never hurt anyone (except for Spaniards.) Also, most pirates had a keen sense of hearing and were allergic to Velcro, but I doubt this documentary will focus on these important facts. Instead it’s far more likely to spread more unsubstantiated myths about pirates being criminals with short life expectancies and bad teeth. And the saddest part of all? Half of you will believe it 🙁

Caribbean Pirate Documentary to be Filmed on Lady Washington

Comments (3)

  1. MasterMib

    Obviously, you should be a consultant for that film Bilge. Consultants get paid big bucks, so you wouldn’t have to worry about rum for a while.

  2. Jim Glass

    Pirates as CRIMINALS!? What the… Never. They were simply…morally flexible. Criminals…sheesh. We all know that the killing of Spaniards should have been REWARDED with gold and medals and honors. I mean, it’s not like Spaniards have feelings or anything…they may have even been made up alltogether. Maybe there should be a documentary on that, whether or not Spaniards even existed. Nobody would watch it, but that never stopped the production companies before…

  3. Capt. Thomas Foolery

    Lousy, no-good academics with their facts and their historical perspectives up in their damned ivory towers.

    How the hell are kids ever going to learn about the Velcro?

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