Robert Pattison To Be A Pirate!!!!! at The Insider

Robert Pattison To Be A Pirate!!!!! at The Insider.

Quote from article:

“With his [Robert Pattison’s] massive and still growing fan base, Disney wants his appeal to ensure the success of another pirate movie.”

HEY DISNEY!!! Here’s a hot tip for you – how about making sure you’ve got a decent script as a means to ensure the success of the next movie? Preferably one that does NOT involve the following things:

  • Cannibal islands that serve no significant plot purpose
  • Extended sword fights in giant wheels
  • Giant round cages made of bones
  • Recycled jokes from the first three films
  • Monkeys and parrots actively participating in combat
  • Awesome regular sized characters turning into entirely not awesome 50ft tall characters for no good reason
  • A pirate crew – Gibbs in particular – that constantly kisses Jack Sparrow’s ass even after he gets 90% of them killed on a voyage to save his own skin and with zero chance of profit (we should love Sparrow, the other characters should not)
  • For that matter, Jack Sparrow in charge of anybody or anything – he’s at his best when he’s out of work
  • Dinosaur islands, the city of Atlantis, or any of the other crappy rumors floating around the internet
  • Casting or plot decisions based on market research or “what’s hot.” Pirates weren’t hot when the first film came out, and I think we all agree it went pretty well. So how about letting the writers lead the way again, eh?

Comments (9)

  1. Iron Tom

    AMEN!

  2. Capt. John Swallow

    Russel Brand is already a Pyrate…and he’s entertaining…and actually British (and ye could see a resemblance to Teague).

    Robert Pattison on the other hand would be about as good a Pyrate as Tinkerbell – and we all know what SHE did to Capt. Jack…

    Yea to the script…and a plot…and Capt. Hector Barbossa…(in fact the ORIGINAL rumour was a prequel of sorts – or flashback at least – to how Barbossa and Sparrow met and where The Black Pearl came from)

  3. Gunpowder Gertie

    Two hooks up for Russell Brand..though he might just out Jack Johnny Depp- he has the look, accent and walk…to be related to Jack and Teague.

    as for kid flavour o’ the month Robert Pattison..
    make him walk the plank!

    And yea to a good- nay, great script! Let’s get Captain Jack back to bein’ a PIRATE!

  4. Hookman

    Hey Disney !!!….I need to add a thing or two . PLEASE TURN DOWN THE MUSIC , I can’t hear the actors when they speak .

  5. Benerson Little

    How ’bout losing Depp’s eye makeup as well?

  6. RedTom Read

    Its pretty lame that they turned away Russel Brand for putting down The Jonas Brothers. What a bunch of douchebags.

  7. Ol' Chumbucket

    The fact is, none of the three PotC movies were actually pirate movies at all. They were ghost stories, or monster movies, in which the pirates were sort of innocent bystanders, or as innocent as pirates can be.

    Seriously, what was “pirate” about any of the three plots? Give me “Captain Blood” or “High Wind to Jamaica.” Or – dare I say it, Disney should buy the movie rights to MY pirate novel, which sadly is still seeking a publisher. It’s a story in which pirates act like pirates and prey acts like prey and the Spanish navy acts like a bunch of jerks.

  8. Jack McCool

    I’m with Ol’ Chumbucket!

    However, I do think the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie was at least passably a “piratey” film.
    As for what’s-his-teeth, begone with ‘im, says I! Although, anything’s better than fecking Zach Efron.

    Still, I think we’re forgetting that the whole reason they cast Orlando Bloom in the first place is that after the Lord of the Rings he was basically heart-throb of the month.

  9. Fenryx

    I am one that didn’t find the first three as objectionable as others, I am a fantasy and horror writer who is only web published but I found them nice for some escape. Davey Jones was interesting to me, but I’m also a furry so there was that appeal with me. But you do have some good points. Dino island and Atlantis only work if you plan doing Steam Punk which PotC is not. If you want to do Steam Punk make something else up. I find Steam Punk interesting but we don’t need that for a Pirates movie.

    Jack Sparrow on his own trying to get himself in charge of something might be nice unless they over do it. Having him go looking for the fountain of youth might be interesting. But I have little opinion either way. They could left it as is at 3 and just made it a trilogy.

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