Review: Cutthroat Island

Rating: ★★☆☆☆
Ummm. Yeah. Where to begin? Well – er – what went wrong here? They actually built pirate ships to make this movie (which is bragable), and Geena Davis isn’t entirely un-cute. But, well… and Mathew Modine manages to crack out a funny line or two. Yeah.

For crying out loud! Even the monkey is bad! He’s ugly and he can’t even look cute when saluting! The plot was tired, the action was dull, and only Mathew Modine and Frank Langella put up even passable performances! Disagree? Watch it again and then try to defend the line “Bad Dawg” to me – AWFUL!!!

The only reason I’ll watch this movie again (and I will, God help me) is in that sick hope that somehow it will be better next time around. It won’t be though – and I’ll curse Geena Davis for it.

Comments (4)

  1. Left-Handed Liz

    Ye’re bein’ much to harsh, I say! Morgan Adams kicks ass!
    Well, ye either love it or you hate it.

  2. Bilge (Post author)

    Y’know – I rewatched this the other night, and realized that for all its flaws (questionable plot points, unappealing monkey, laughable action scenes), it would still remain a worthwhile film that wasn’t entirely painful to watch if it weren’t for one, overriding problem – DIALOGUE. Bad writing, bad delivery – just BAD. A few good quips now and then, but sooooo many painful, painful lines. Gena Davis sounds like a dope throughout most of it, and only half of Matthew Modine’s lines work as intended. And since those two do most of the talking, you can do the math.

  3. The Quartermaster

    Truth be told it’s not the greatest pirate film of all time and me girlfriend hated it. When it was released it was about the only pirate film around so I thought it wasn’t all that bad. The first time I saw a grenado and yes, the quartermaster from that film rocked. Ok, I’m bias but still I thought it was a decent film for the time being long before Disney’s pirates films and before all this pirate mania. No, I cannot defend “Bad Dog” but I can certainly defend when Morgan Adams asked the prostitute “How much?” Oooooh good times.

  4. Captain Frankie

    Some of the conversations might have been a wee bit tiresome (like they read their lines from an ‘idiot-sheet’), but apart from that I liked this movie…

    It was entertaining, had humor, and some plot-ideas were ‘borrowed’ in Pirates of the Caribbean’. Yes, that latter movie -and the two sequals- were funnier, but Cutthroat Island wasn’t all that bad.

    And yes, I even liked the ‘Bad Dawg!’ 🙂

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