Review: Pirate Scurvy Dog

Rating: ☆☆☆☆☆
It’s rare to come across a product with no – and I mean do mean zero – value, but Pirate Scurvy Dog’s Pieces of Eight is one such beast. No production value, no plot, no humor, and frankly, no effort. Hell, they could have at least thrown in a little nudity to reward your taking the trouble to watch the thing, but not even that.

Made up of brief segments that seem to be leading to a joke that never quite arrives, it’s much like watching the antics of a pirate-themed late night horror movie host – the kind of host you only tolerate so that you can get back to the movie. But in this case, there is no movie – just more pointless antics. And then, when you’re at the end of your strength and think the segment will go on and on forever, the punchline finally arrives. And guess what? It’s not at all funny. But then another story starts and the cycle continues.

Pirate Scurvy Dog’s Pieces of Eight is hell. And not the exciting hell of Constantine or Spawn, either. This is the hell of being stuck in line at the DMV between two very fat, sweaty people who don’t understand personal space issues. If you spend money on this DVD, you are a sap.

PS – I spent money on this DVD

Comments (4)

  1. The Quartermaster

    “If you spend money on this DVD, you are a sap.

    PS – I spent money on this DVD”

    You suffered so we wouldn’t have to. Bless ye, mate.

  2. Red Beard

    Ouch! No stars? That’s pretty harsh, Bilge.

  3. Red Bess

    Wow – you even gave Bacardi half a star! This DVD must really suck!

  4. SharkFin

    Well, although I agree that it could’ve used some nudity… I thought it was pretty good. Reminded me of a Pirate Benny Hill mixed with Monty Python. But I see multi-million blockbusters all the time with terrible reviews & I like a lot of them too. Not to say this was in that budget… They probably didn’t spend $50,000 on it. But I thought it was very creatively done & artsy for a Pirate flick within that budget, it looked like actual footage on a real pirate ship & I actually have watched it more than once with friends & although it drags sometimes it has always made us LOL! & I also liked some of the music & songs. But now I see that you can rent it for only $1.99 so I wish I would’ve done that & Pirated the DVD! ; )

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