The email simply reads:

WE ARE THE WORLDS GREATEST JACKTAR RUM SUPPORTERS (DEON LOUW AND MARKUS ROSSOUW).SEE FOTOS.OUR JACKTAR CONSUMPTION FOR ONE YEAR.

For those who aren’t clear, those are bottle caps. Counting those on the sign as well, I’m estimating approximately 477 bottles – and that’s consumed by two guys in one year. Simple math:

477 bottles a year divided by two guys, 365 days in a year, 750 mL per bottle, 3,785.4 mL in a gallon, 16 cups in a gallon, and viola! – 2 cups of rum per guy per day.

Don’t think that sounds like much? Consider that the average American doesn’t drink that much WATER on a daily basis and we begin to realize that Deon and Markus probably aren’t actually human, but more likely are superior alien beings that survive on rum. Rather than carbon-based, their species is made up of gunpowder and rust. And instead of walking on two legs they sort of stumble and roll, or perhaps just lie there in a puddle of their own drool while the ceiling spins, wishing to god they could make it to the bathroom very, very soon.