The Kinder, Gentler, Christian Captain Hook

http://baikinange.blogspot.com/2009/03/pirates-for-jesus.html

For those of you haters who’ve been writing to your newspapers saying that all historically-inclined pirate festivals should be canceled because a few Somalians can’t behave themselves, get bent check this out – pirates teaching Christian values. Now don’t you feel sheepish? Of course, they’re entirely lame, don’t look or sound remotely piratey, but at least they’re making the effort. Or made the effort, rather – this was back in the seventies. I like to think that one of those smiling children grew up to be a right despicable scallywag, and is swilling rum and gutting Spaniards as we speak (in a very “love-thy-neighbor” way, of course.)

Comments (23)

  1. RedTom Read

    Oh my God! No pun intended. What a douche. This cant be for real. Not only is this the most ridiculous thing ive ever seen, but this moron cant even muster the originality to come up with a pirate name that hasnt been used already. You know what I would like to see? Dustin Hoffman beating this guy about the head with a blunt object. What an idiot.

  2. RedTom Read

    I cant let this go. I keep looking at the picture, and its almost beyond belief. What did he do when him and his wussy crew of pirates plundered a ship? A broadside of repentance? A volley of faith? Im going to go vomit now.

  3. Bilge (Post author)

    Well, in his marginal defense, I believe he lost his hand in a car accident, hence the inspiration for becoming Captain Hook. But yes, that small concesion aside, there is still much douchiness to be found.

  4. Bilge (Post author)

    If you follow the link, not only can you find video, but complete downloadable audio as well (not much for a real pirate music fan, no surprise.)

    No word of a broadside of repentance, but I do believe I heard the phrase “confessional cannon” uttered :D

  5. Red Beard

    I think this song needs to be requested weekly on Bilgemunky Radio…

  6. RedTom Read

    That could only result in three things.
    1. A laugh from Bilgemunkey radio listeners so loud it would actually break the sound barrier.
    2. Bilgemunkey radio listeners around the world simultaneously shooting themselves with their pistols, bludgeoning themselves with blunt objects, or committing harycary with their cutlasses.
    3. Or Bilgemunkey radio listeners deciding to dedicate their lives to the church.

    Of course the latter being the least likely, considering once they sobered up and realized what they had done, denying what they had done in the first place. Either way, please Bilge, dont do it!

  7. Red Bess

    As unpopular as my opinion might be, I do have to give credit to a guy who loses a hand and gets a real pirate hook. And remember, it’s from the 1970′s. Anyway, it appears that the “pirates for Jesus” movement never really took off, for obvious reasons. So I say: no harm, no foul. And I could be one of those kids – seriously, that women looks a lot like my mother in 1972. You can hide a blunderbuss in that hair!

  8. Hawk the QM

    ……………….

  9. Red Beard

    I laughed when a person who posted on the other site asked if the woman was Sarah Palin…

  10. Rio

    Uh… not so brilliant, actually. I grew up listening to Ron Hamilton, aka Patch the Pirate, who had pretty much the same theme… but not this…. uh… I can’t think of the word.

  11. Dave Nichols

    I don’t even know what to say about this whole “Pirates for Jesus” thing without getting really nasty and making jokes about virgin birth…

  12. RedTom Read

    Im really only kidding. I could really care less, I mean its not hurting me, I just find it rather funny. Alot of people would probably think The Wiggles, or Spongebob, or Disney, or whatever, are lame for what they do to the image of pirates, I say whatever gets people into them is cool with me. “People” being “little” people too.

  13. Billy Buccaneer

    Capt. Hook’s real name was Von R. Saum. When he was a teenager, he had a motorcycle accident. He lost his left arm and leg, as a result. When he came out of his coma, he realized he almost died. In the hospital, he gave his life to Jesus Christ.

    In the years that passed, God called him to preach. He went to a Bible college in Texas and met his wife Pam (Mrs. Hook). They had three kids and all took part in his children’s evangelism. The oldest son (Victor), is an adult evangelist. The younger son (Vinnie), continues preaching to kids. His sister, stepdad, and mother work with him. Von passed away from a heart attack, in 1993.

    Vinnie changed his Dad’s ministry from a pirate, to a time travel theme. Victor travels and preaches, but the rest of the family lives in central Florida. The dummy is named Sharkey and Vinnie keeps him stored away, as a loving memory of his Dad.

  14. Joan M.

    My 2 daughters loved to watch Capt Hooks show, his puppets were a bit corny but made them laugh. Especially when the Laughing song performed by the Cathedrals was done by a puppet on the show. Capt Hooks show came on after the Uncle Sam show. Both of these men of God have passed away now. How about you let them rest in peace and drop the subject.

  15. Bob

    I used to watch this too. I remember the laughing song.I also remember some of the Biblical truths taught on that show I’m sure GOD was pleased with him. It may have been corny, but it was not forgetable. GOD used him for good.

  16. Bilge (Post author)

    There’s certainly no doubt that a character can be corny, but also be entertaining and do good, and I apologize if my original post here seemed overly disrespectful. Yes, I called him lame, just as I find lots of kid stuff lame – but that certainly doesn’t mean it doesn’t have value.

  17. RAMBO

    Hey guy’s ease up on this one. I unlike most of you have seen him in person. First off if i remember correctly he lost the hand in a motorcycle accident. He then decided to dedicate the remainder of his life to trying to steer young children away from wrongfull living. He was a VERY wild young man and thats what contributed to the loss of his hand. Maybe or maybe not his idea is considered to be kosher today but that’s not what really matters here, in that time his message DID work and i can tell you not a peep was heard when he gave his stories. Ok go ahead and kick his kind but just look around and see the nose dive this country has taken in 30+ years, then ask yourself if you know as much as you think you do.

  18. RAMBO

    Sorry my bad, i guess i should have read a few more posts before assuming everyone was against him. It appears after i submitted my post that there are actually some very constructive opinions expressed. In closing i’d like to say i really think he did a lot of good and am positive he caused no harm. That should be a good goal for us all in this life.

  19. Sherry Lynn Sanders

    I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW I WAS DO EXCITED TO SEE THIS AVAILABLE THROUGH FACEBOOK!!! MY FAMILY AND I LOVED THIS ENTIRE FAMILY AND WENT TO CHURCH WITH THEM>>MY SONS GREW UP WITH CHRISTIAN CAPTAIN HOOK AND LOVED ALL OF THE MINISTRY!! IT WAS LATER WE WERE A PART OF THE CHURCH VON SAUM PASTORED!!! I BELIEVE HIS CHILDREN’S MINISTRY HAS TOUCHED MANY CHILDREN AND LEAD MANY OF THEM TO JESUS THROUGH THIS MINISTRY!! THE CHILDREN SMALL AND TALL WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HIM!!! WE SURE DO MISS HIM AND YET WE REALIZE THE LORD WANTED HIM IN HEAVEN!!! GOD’S BLESSINGS BE WITH ALL HIS PRECIOUS FAMILY!!! F.Y.I. YHE CAPS ARE USED DUE TO EYES AND NOT YELLING!!! GOD’S BLESSINGS TO ALL WHO READ THIS AND HOPE YOUR LIFE IS FILLED WITH JESUSZ..JESUS LOVES YOU>>> PLEASE READ>> JOHN 3:16-17<<

  20. Tricky Dick

    I haven’t thought about this guy for a long time. When I was a high school student growing up in a small town in central Indiana, I had a very good friend whose parents owned a huge, old Victorian home that they converted into a series of shops. On the second floor, Captain Hook had a Christian goods store he called the Gospel Gift Ship. He would come into his store every day decked out in his pirate garb (actually, some of his costumes were really pretty intricate and cool up close – somebody took a lot of time to make them).

    I met Captain Hook and spoke with him on several occasions, and I must say he was a real nice guy. He was very down to earth and not pretentious at all. You could carry on a normal conversation with him. If he wasn’t dressed like a pirate and wore jeans and a T shirt, you’d swear he was a grease monkey down at the local Chevy dealership.

    At any rate, he was able to take serious, debilitating handicap that would be very devastating to many people and turn it into something positive, while at the same time he was able to use his handicap to market himself in a very constructive way.

    While his shtick was rather corny and not real sophisticated, he believed very strongly in what he was doing. I respect him and I tip my hat to him.

    Enjoy your website by the way. It’s a hoot!

  21. Hoot R.Gibson

    Von was my parents Paper Boy and neighbor in the small town of Scott, Ohio{just across the state line from Fort Wayne, Indiana}…he was a wild teen according to mom{still alive and kicking at 87}. As other posters have mentioned, he lost his arm.

    My dad passed away suddenly on Christmas Eve 1972, and Von was there to perform the sermon and mom’s request 3 days later….the show may have been lame, but there was nothing phony about this Captain Hook….he, like dad, passed at a too young age, but I’m sure he is in God’s company.

  22. lisa walker

    I first saw Captain Hook at Hiawatha Church Camp. I was about 10. I have nothing but wonderful memories about them performing at the evening services (church camp – all kids). Every single kid at the camp looked forward to evening services. I became friends with their daughter, Valerie. She was a kind, intelligent and creative girl. We would spend the day playing outside and then she became a puppeteer. It’s funny that I never thought of it when they were in front of the congregation. I’m so sorry to hear that “my” Captain Hook passed away.

  23. rfb

    After reading the post on this sight, it is becoming very clear why this is in such decay. All the hate, putting people down and trying to make yourself something your not. When was the last time redtom read did something other than show his intelligence is lesser than a chimp.
    R

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