Hugh Grant to voice Aardman’s ‘Pirates’

So yeah, Hugh Grant, ho hum. But also David Tennant for you Dr. Who fans, Martin Freeman (for the Hitch-hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy geeks), and even Salma Hayek (of The Devil Wore Purple Plunder Pants, of course) will be featured as well.

*it was two years ago. I looked it up.

Do I even need to review this album? I mean, seriously – all I need to do is say, “Pirate Christmas CD” and then add, “by The Bilge Pumps,” and then I’d guess most readers will immediately do the math and go running (to or from the album may vary from reader to reader )

OK, maybe some of you aren’t already familiar with The Bilge Pumps (seriously? I mean, don’t you even listen to Bilgemunky Radio?), so perhaps I should elaborate. The Bilge Pumps are a pirate shanty/comedy group. Their music is appropriately rough, swaggerly, and peppered with the sorts of off-taste comments you sorta-wish-the-kids-hadn’t-heard-but-maybe-it-went-over-their-heads-and-besides-they-have-to-grow-up-someday. Yeah, that sort of band. And on their new album A Pirate’s Christmas Wish they lend their trademark tastes and talents to re-imagine this classic holdiay through 20+ songs of good tidings and villainy. By and large, this means parodies – A Pirate’s Night Before Christmas, Carol of the Beers, Johnny the Steampunk Pirate, etc. These are the songs you grew up to, and while you won’t be able to immediately sing along to the new, salty lyrics, you can at least hum along as you swig your eggnog (the more rum mixed in the better.)

The music is largely a capella, with sporadic accompaniment from drums, guitar, steel drums (for that tropical Christmas flavor) and even a kazoo. Jokes and offhand comments are also mixed in for good measure. This is not an album of orchestral Christmas music subtly turned towards piratey, but rather a pirate comedy album with a Christmas theme. This is an important distinction, because if you think you’re going to sneak this album into your church’s holiday party mix for a private joke, you’d better be prepared for a quick getaway (unless it’s a pirate church, in which case you’re golden.)

As with their other albums, A Pirate’s Christmas Wish is a bit goofy, and a lot unpolished. Mostly these qualities are put to good effect, although “I Saw Fannie Punching Santa Claus” is a little over the top in the silliness department, and “Blue Christmas” seems like something created on a drunken dare. “Deck the Halls”, however, is a wonderful mix of steel drums and scratchy pirate singing that truly conjures a group of caroling buccaneers. “Jolly Old Saint Nicholas” is another high point with tighter singing, and a fun mix of drums and jingle bells. “A Pirate’s Christmas Wish”, being the album’s title track and the only wholly original track (all others being parodies) is for me the best of the bunch, with fun “yo ho’s”, a great beat, and humorous, holiday appropriate lyrics.

Every year I see more and more pirate insertion into the holiday season – pirate stockings, pirate ornaments, pirate nutcrackers, and so on. But pirate Christmas songs are still few and far between. The Bilge Pumps have done a real service with this album, not only giving us an easy gift idea for any crew Secret Santa programs, but also providing us some fine tunes for any holiday pirate gatherings.

So yeah – Aardman Animation brought us the likes of Wallace&Gromit and Chicken Run. And now they’re bringing us pirates:

“”Pirates!” is based on the best-selling series of books by Gideon Defoe that began with “The Pirates! (in an Adventure with Scientists).” The story, fashioned as a swashbuckling adventure with a rich vein of surreal and broad comedy, will follow a group of pirates who journey to London and meet Charles Darwin and a talking chimp named Mister Bobo, while an enemy tries to wipe them out.”

If you’re not already familiar with Gideon Defoe’s works, check out my reviews of his first two books, Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists and Pirates! in an Adventure with Ahab. Then go buy the books so you can sit in the theater and loudly proclaim, “Oh, the books were sooooo much better!”

Of all the pirate musical artists it’s the childrens’ entertainers for which I have the lowest expectations. I can’t tell you how many pirate kids’ albums I’ve never even bothered to seek out based on their sample tracks that clearly demonstrate a soft, froofy performance that would be of no interest whatsoever to those over the age of six. Mike Mennard, however, is a different beast entirely. True, children are clearly his target audience. But he also demonstrates remarkable creativity and talent the likes of which can be thoroughly enjoyed by all ages – mostly.

This album opens with its title track “Pirates Do the Darndest Things” – a catchy, brilliant tune that encompasses the CD’s key strengths and weaknesses bundled together. The song itself is original, unique, well-crafted and witty. It’s a song that anyone who loves modern pirate music will instantly cherish – except for the pirate jokes and ad-lib comments tucked between verses – jokes that kids will surely fine hilarious, but which will mercilessly grate at the nerves of adults like shark-skin across a sunburned backside.

This trend of almost-adult-friendly musical genius is continued throughout the album. Approximately 18 tracks of music interspersed with 10 or so shorter narrative sketches and jokes. These short narratives are exceedingly well done, with sound effects and complimentary music, but likely will be much more enjoyable to kids than adults. As to the songs – they vary in age appropriateness, but remain of a consistently high quality. A Pirate’s Life For Me is Mennard’s version of the Disney favorite, this time performed in a bit more of a barn dance twang than is usually heard (pass the pirate moonshine, y’all!) Arrh! is a fun bit about what it takes to be a pirate, while Swab the Deck features a string of orders a pirate might shout at his attending cabin boy.

Fifteen Men is an adaptation of the Robert Lewis favorite with new lyrics and a marching cadence quality. Bucanneer on Broadway then takes a truly unique tack as it features a pirate singing about how he’d rather perform on stage. The delivery is hilarious, and does indeed sound like it belongs on Broadway. Early in the Morning / Blow the Man Down also stands out in that it’s something of a musical duel between a crusty, shanty-singing pirate and a pirate-themed soft rocker. Long time pirate fans will surely get an insider’s kick as the pirate complains that, “that doesn’t sound like pirate music,” and then get an additional, if unintentional chuckle from, “I’d do more than *that* to a drunken sailor” which takes on an amusing double meaning for those of us with unclean minds.

While most every song of this CD features elements that remind this is a childrens’ album – references to rootbeer or silly jokes and puns – by and large it remains enjoyable for all ages. There are, however, some tracks that grown-up pirates just might not be able to stomach. Most of the mini-tracks are quite kid-centric, as are songs such as Capt. Mother Goose, Captain Jack Whiney, and Pirates of Nice.

I’d love to criticize Mike Mennard for failing to create a truly adult-friendly album, as I’m certain his clear talent for the subject would be an asset to the genre. But then I remind myself that if today’s children are to become the pirates of tomorrow, then they need music that will get them off to a good start. And in this way Mennard is sewing the pirate seeds for tomorrow’s swashbuckling scalliwaggs. That he does so with such musical skill and wit as to make the album “mostly” adult friendly is a happy bonus. Just try not to cringe too much at the silly jokes, and remember it’s for the greater good.

Being an independent film, Salt Lake understandably lacks the Hollywood polish. For the most part this isn’t a problem as it remains plenty slick on its own merits. It does have two moments of weakness, though – both of which regrettably occur within the first few minutes, and risk audiences prematurely dismissing the movie before it truly begins. The first incident is during a flashback from generations past in which a demonic pirate is seen – it’s relatively silly and reminiscent of a B slasher film. Not that B slasher films are all bad, but this movie is smarter than that. The second incident is when the protagonists, Kirk and Flint, find their first victims – a catamaran with two ladies and some muscle-bound dude. In a film full of great acting, these three extras are amongst the worst imaginable, and look entirely lost for what to do, save for when they look like they’re trying not to laugh. It’s sad because these two events lower the bar of the film, and some viewers may have difficulty recovering in time to get full enjoyment from all that follows.

For those that do recover, however, this film quickly begins to show its merits. Taking place in modern Salt Lake City, Kirk and Flint are pirates – two guys who just know that piracy is in their blood, and seek to live out the swashbuckling lives that fate has chosen for them. The challenges they face are many, including parents who don’t understand their chosen lifestyle, “victims” who are more entertained than scared, and a predominant lack of ship, crew, or prospects of any sort. All this changes, however, upon the discovery of a treasure map, and so the search for riches begins.

Along the way the viewer is treated to more than a few oddities – the sorts of surreal elements that can be perplexing if you think about them too hard. Ancient gypsies with laptop computers, an apparently angelic Indian narrator with a penchant for metaphor, and the wordless exchange of an eyepatch between kindred souls. Strange? Absolutely. But also a sort of quiet genius. The humor throughout is wry, dry, and poignant. Those of us immersed in a pirate lifestyle of our own will surely find much that’s humorously relatable, while our loved ones who’ve politely tolerated our odd obsession might cringe at how effectively Pirates of the Great Salt lake satirizes our situation.

Truly, this is first and foremost a movie written for the pirate enthusiast. But in this there is something that bothers me:  I enjoyed this movie, but not quite as much as I wish. Strangely, much of the humor seems funny in hindsight, but was merely amusing while actually watching it – something about surreal and outright goofy gags performed in such a matter-of-fact, dry manner proved difficult for me to process. I got the jokes, I smiled at the jokes, but I rarely laughed at them (although there were exceptions.) However, this same dry delivery, while perhaps impeding the humor a bit, also serves to add substance to scenes that might otherwise have simply been screwball. The narrator’s inspired monologue about persistence when digging for treasure, the imagery of two modern pirates riding a tandem bicycle to the song “Life Less Ordinary”, Kirk’s discussion with Flint about his wearing of an earring as though it were a performance review – these and countless other oddly touching moments stick with me long after the movie has ended, and it’s these scenes that make this movie iconic of our barely existing subculture.

It may be imperfect, but Pirates of the Great Salt Lake wears its pirate heart on its sleeve, and is a definite must-see for any and all fans of the pirate genre.

Since the very beginning, Captain Bogg & Salty has always walked a fine line. On the face of it they’re children’s entertainers, and therefore sing silly songs of a kid-friendly nature. But the genius of their first album, Bedtime Stories for Pirates, was that – rather than sounding like preschool teachers like so many other childrens’ “pirate” entertainers – Bogg & Salty lent the impression of being real pirates; actual buccaneers, albeit good-natured ones, doing their level best to “keep it clean” for the duration of the album. This made Bogg & Salty a rare beast, being a pirate band that could be enjoyed by kids and their parents (and even angsty teens and 20-somethings) alike.

Bedtime Stories set a strong precedent that surely proved a challenge to maintain on subsequent albums. Peg Leg Tango featured what became some of Bogg & Salty’s most beloved songs of all time (Pieces of 8ight, Scallywagg), but in my opinion also featured some of the weakest (I’m a Pirate, Nellie the Elephant, Sea Monster). Prelude to Mutiny then went on to reclaim the lost ground with a host of pirate brilliance, including Mutiny of the Hispaniola, Wind, Dead Men Tell No Tales, Hoist the Grog, and Part of Your World. So as the tides between adult and kid-friendly have already shifted time and again, where does Captain Bogg & Salty’s fourth and latest album, Emphatical Piratical wind up?

The album begins with the title track Emphatical Piratical, a friendly, energetic song that fits well with what seasoned listeners might expect of this band. Next up is the somewhat goofy Don’t Drink Seawater, which is the sort of pirate silly song that kids likely love, but adults not so much. It does, however, teach an important lesson about the dangers of drinking seawater (so stick to rum, kiddies*). Port Side, however, gets us right back on track with an 80′s retro style rap song about the parts of a ship – a decent piece that reflects Bogg & Salty’s love of experimenting with various genres.

Treading the Seas for Pirate Gold is a remake of a Hucklescary Finn song, altered slightly to offer a respectful nod to Kevin Hendrickson’s previous Pirate-Core bands, Hucklescary Finn and Pirate Jenny. A fine piece that particularly stands out in the use of the beloved “ribcage” xylophone. Bunnyjacks is a definite children’s song, and a followup of sorts to one of the most famous lines in their earlier song Scurvy. Frogg Island again demonstrates the genre-bending nature of Bogg & Salty with a breezy, island style easy listening song in the style of Jimmy Buffet and such – relaxin’ on the beach after a hard day of plunderin’.

Skipping ahead a bit (reasons made clear later), Sea Monster II is another children’s tune. I wasn’t really a fan of Sea Monster I, finding it far too youth-targeted and “soft” to satisfy my more grown-up piratical music cravings. Never Smile at a Crocodile is a remake of a Disney song, and seems a mix between Bogg & Salty’s earlier works Sea Kings and A Part of Your World – it’s very fun, very energetic, and like Don’t Drink Seawater imparts valuable life lessons. Waltz of the Waves is slow and sentimental, but in my opinion falls rather flat. The album then concludes with Who’s at Captain’s Table, which has a definite Hucklecary Finn air about it and makes for a fine children’s pirate tune, although it too probably lacks the extra “oomph” needed to attract adult ears.

Coming back to the middle of the album, Purple Tiki and Plank Walker I want to mention together, as they warrant special consideration. Tiki is a tribal, two part song that begins slow and spoken and ends fast and sung. It’s silly and certainly kid-friendly, but not so exclusively as to scare off adults. Plank Walker is more of a fifties style, drive-in creature feature song with great guitar work and spooky vocals. Bothof these songs feature pirate elements, both are approachable to kids and adults alike – and neither really stood out to me on first listen. These songs, and indeed much of this album, seemed to lack that extra “pirattitude” in the lyrics needed to really command my attention. But on second and third listen (that last time via my best stereo system, rather than my car’s garbage audio) I realized that while Bogg & Salty may indeed have left this key strength by the wayside on much of this album, they had also built upon another strength – that of the music itself.

Bogg & Salty’s music has always been fantastic, but it’s the piratey lyrics that have pushed it over the top. With this album, and Tiki and Plank Walker in particular, I felt most of the lyrics lacked that extra punch. But the music… never before has this band sounded so incredible. Purple Tiki has the sort of beat that you can’t help but dance to, while Plank Walker so perfectly captures that 1950′s Halloween spook show style it seeks to emulate.

While I do miss the strength reflected in the lyrics of the other albums, I’d be entirely remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that the some of the music on this album is a noteable success of another sort. This album leans slightly towards the younger audience, as kids will surely adore Bunnyjacks, Sea Monster, Crocodile, and Captain’s Table. Adult fans will no doubt enjoy Emphatical Piratical, Port Side, and Treading the Seas, but it’s songs like Frogg Island, Purple Tiki, and Plank Walker that are in danger of being overlooked and under appreciated. If you’re listening for classic Bogg & Salty over-the-top pirate lyrics, you’ll be disappointed as I nearly was. But keep a fresh mind and let the songs – and particularly the music – stand on its own and this album certainly turns up some gems.

*note – DON’T stick to rum, kiddies

My sister-in-law is a nurse. For those of you readers who prefer visuals to help in all matters, she’s the redhead posing on the Bilgemunky Swag page. But do bear in mind that if you just now went to the swag page to sneak a peak, you’re morally obligated to buy a shirt. I’m just sayin’.

Anyways, my sister-in-law is a nurse. And the problem with nurses in the family is they have this thing – it’s called “wellness.” The concept behind wellness is that you’re supposed to think about your health all the time. You’re supposed to eat healthy, exercise regularly, and try not to put any crap into your system – i.e. anything fun. Proponents of wellness fail to grasp that the whole point of an annual checkup is so that you don’t have to think about these things the other 364 days of the year. It seems these people think that getting poked and prodded by someone with an “M.D” after their name one day each year is no longer enough, and that all matters regarding our health should somehow infiltrate the rest of our lives. It’s a right crying shame, if you ask me.

Which brings us to The Pirate Guys. They did a good thing, and none can dispute (and those that do won’t be long of this world), in bringing us Talk Like a Pirate Day each September 19th. But much like the nurses who’ve forgotten the points of annual checkups, priests who’ve forgotten the point of confession, and the green movement, The Pirate Guys now seem to think talking like a pirate one day a year is no longer enough, and that it’s now time we begin to eat like pirates, date like pirates, exercise like pirates, vote like pirates, and so forth.

Actually, I shouldn’t be so cynical. Because unlike eating fresh vegetables, avoiding playful spaniard-gutting, or re-using your toilet-paper, acting like a pirate 24/7 might actually make the world a better place. And if not, it will at least make it a lot more fun. And fun, of course, is at the heart of The Pirate Life. From the restructuring of the food triangle into the “Perverted Polygon of Piratical Provender” to psycological explanations of how to become “piractualized”, it’s first and formost all about having a good, swashbuckling time.

Like The Pirate Guys’ previous works, The Pirate Life is sometimes clever, sometimes goofy, sometimes right-on-the-mark, and occasionally in left field (I mean, there’s no way that a non-pirattitudely-enfused teen skateboarder is on the same level of coolness as a pirattitudely-enfused ninja assassin. If such a being were scientifically possible, which it’s not, it would blow an average teen skateboarder out of orbit.) Most of the chapters stick with the “self-help” sort of format, while at other times it’s more about observing common realities of life through a pirate lense. And just occasionally, it strays into odd but humorous tangents, like when The Pirate Guys delve into what sort of television shows they’d create if given the opportunity. Such excursions can be amusing, but really – what are we supposed to learn from this? How is it in any way preparing us for a piratically-driven life? But soon enough the course is corrected and the book returns to more helpful topics such as the evaluation of one’s own stench, or scaring your daughter’s suitors with a pitchfork.

The Pirate Guys’ prior book, Pirattitude, was geared towards the overt aspects of being a pirate – talking, dressing, and knowing your pirate zodiac sign. This book takes the next step and examines the finer details of incorporating piracy into the daily practice of your being. And while I fear the idea of a third book with naught left to explore but the dubious concept of pirate nirvana, these first two works are definite must-haves for any working-joe-sixpack who wishes to transition his or her typically dull life into one of high adventure and lighthearted roguery.

Genre: Original pirate songs of varying non-traditional styles.
Rating: PG-13
Target Audience: Late teens to early retirement

Captain Darby O’Bill and His Matees 3, an album performed by a group of the same name (I mean, what are the odds?) is exactly the kind of pirate music I love best – meaning that it in no way sounds like any of the other pirate music I already love. Right from the first track, The Skulls of Skeleton Peak, and on through the entire album, this CD defies categorization of any kind save one – this is PIRATE MUSIC!

To a song, the music blends the styles of old time traditional with elements and instruments of the modern age. Accoustic guitars, electric bass, trombones, accordians, washboards, finger cymbals… On its own, the music would be a piratey joy to listen to, but Darby and his mates also have a wickedly perverse sense of humor, which when combined with the music makes for audio dementia in the most wonderful sort of way. The Little Dutch Boy is a touching, happy song about a young, innocent dutch boy being hauled off to sea to become a man. The lyrics are at times difficult to register, which is a shame because I’ve a feeling the song might edge on the riskee (and having checked the liner note lyrics, indeed it does.)

Following songs are easier to understand, while remaining wonderfully odd in their own rights – For a Pirate Everything’s Free, Margaret Mary, and The Barbary Coast are all great fun. Each maintains Darby’s distinctive sound and style, and yet each is unique. Bulva, the Wicked Wench, is the first of the album to have a previously familiar sound about it, but only because it has a smack of OZ about it – think about the title, and you’ll get an idea of what to expect.

Marina the Lovely Mermaid begins as a slower piece, but picks up pace later. But nothing can prepare you for Marina’s own lyrics in the song. Her “lovely melody” isn’t quite as femine as one might hope, but (s)he makes an effort, and that’s why it’s fun. Commodore Cortez is an adventure song, faster paced and full of danger. Hand of Glory is more of comradery and braggadocio, while The Ballad of Galley Schwaggennhann has a wonderful flow about it. One of my absolute favorite songs on the album, the vocals give almost an 80′s flair, while the lyrics are all pirate and drunken, fighting Irishmen.

Forty Days begins fast and furious, and continues the same. With lyrics like “Yo-ho, the dary-o, it’s the pirate’s life that’s never been told”, it maintains the strong pirate themes that have been standard throughout the album, along with the same outstanding, fun instrumentals. Concluding things is Dutch Harbor. An odd track amongst odd tracks, it begins slow and sing songy, then picks up some peppy guitars and cymbals for several minutes, which are later joined by excited piratey lyrics. It then fades to a thunderstorm that lasts for several minutes, only to end with… well, for that you have to buy the album. But trust me, it’s brilliant.

Captain Darby O’Bill and His Matees 3, whether we’re discussing the band or the album, is definitely one for the Pirate Core Hall of Fame, if there were such a thing. This is non-traditional pirate music at its very oddest and finest, and something no self-respecting collector should be without.

Genre: Pirate-themed gansta rap
Rating: R
Target Audience: Immature adults

Captain Dan’s debut album, Authentic Pirate Hip-Hop, essentially redefined the pirate-core playing field. True, many brilliant albums have borrowed styles from non-pirate genres, such as metal, rock, and alternative. And other albums managed to create styles that were essentially unique. But prior to Captain Dan’s gangsta rap release, never before had a pirate band so unabashedly plunged into such dangerous waters. Hip Hop is not for the weak – but not only did Captain Dan and the Scurvy Crew survive their encounter with this tumultuous genre of thugs, drugs, and hos – they actually made it their bitch.

Only one year since their brilliant, daring debut, Captain Dan and the Scurvy Crew have returned with their second offering, Rimes of the Hip Hop Mariner. In doing so, not only do they offer up a whopping 14 additional songs of high-seas rap, but they do so with such skill that they effectively demolish any possible question that Captain D might be a one-hit wonder. These pimps are the real deal, mates!

As with the first album, the music of Rimes of the Hip Hop Mariner varies in pace from song to song. Heavy beats abound, and the hip hop nature of the genre is abundant throughout. But the instrumentals of each song remain distinctive from one another, thus making boredom or monotony practical impossibilities. The subject matter tackled varies as well. Some of the songs reenvisit the common themes one would expect – Drink All Night and Rum Wench both address the subject of rum, albeit from very different angles. Shore Leave needs little explanation, nor does It’s All About the Booty (a song that, like its predecessor Round the Corner Sallies, contains lyrics not for the prudish, the squeamish, or the morally upright as it contains at least a few NC-17 visuals.) Other songs, however, broach entirely new subjects. Keel Haul ‘Em is all about theats of torture and abuse, while Broadside is a wonderfully brazen face-off between pirates and the British Navy (the rapping naval officer is a delight – he makes a great effort, but couldn’t sound lamer if he tried.) Sea Monsters is a fun romp about finding the terrors of the deep and serving them up with melted butter, while Dead Mine’s Cavern seems to be about World of Warcraft (certainly the oddest tangent on the album.) The album concludes with the slow and touching All Me Mateys Dead and Gone, being a touching salute to those that have fallen.

Rimes of the Hip Hop Mariner is a brilliant, brilliant album. In the interest of full disclosure, I suppose I should mention that my own voice is prominently featured on track 6 as I introduce the fictional pirate rap band, The Sea Swanks. But believe you me, even if I hadn’t been asked to participate on this album, my enthusiasm for this album would be just as profound. Rimes of the Hip Hop Mariner is a treasure for pirate music lovers.

Bookstores are increasingly full of “Government” and other instructional manuals of a fictitious nature. Whether you’re seeking to be a spy or a superhero, hunt zombies, dragons, or wizards – a manual exists to educate and guide you in your endeavors. The problem with this genre – at least, the part that makes me nervous – is that manuals in reality can be tediously dull, and simply replacing mundane scenarios with something more ludicrous doesn’t necessarily make it entertaining. It takes writers with a very special talent in order to build humor on such a dry foundation, but The Government Manual for New Pirates succeeds in every respect. The cover left me unsure what to expect, being a government-style with fairly cliche pirate graphitti. But any fears I may have had as to the quality of this book’s content were instantly put to rest upon reading the forward. These same fears were then shot through the head with a harpoon and buried in tar upon reading the first paragraph of the first chapter, in which anyone who’s purchased this book is advised to put it down and give up their piratical aspirations, as a true pirate would have stolen it.*

Chapters are broken down into what you may expect, with instructions on sailing, fighting, drinking, and talking like a pirate (plus a special mention of September 19th, also known amongst pirates as “Talk Like a Landlubber Day.”) The nature of these instructions ranges from the amusingly whimsical to the hilariously bizarre. Suggestions to alternate your eyepatches daily to avoid uneven tanning, the best ways to hire a new pirate intern, and how to cheat during a duel (best method – kill your opponent in his sleep the night before) all serve to illustrate the sort of good natured piratical guidance contained within. And if that’s not enough for you, there’s also a cut-out eyepatch you can wear (and a yiddish-pirate translator.)

The Government Manual for New Pirates couldn’t be further removed from the tired, worn-out pirate jokes and stereotypes one might expect. It’s witty, funny, and fresh. True, stereotypes abound (it wouldn’t be piratey if they didn’t) but they are used as springboards for the authors’ novel humor, rather than left to be funny in themselves. The result is a wickedly entertaining book that should be enjoyed by pirates, and pirate-wannabes, alike.

*note: Please don’t steal this book.