So IndianExpress.com has just posted an article in which Johnny Depp defends his decision to star in another Pirates of the Caribbean film, and claims that he’s not just doing it for the money.

Wow, that’s some crack reporting – one of Hollywood’s highest paid, highest demand actors doesn’t need to sell out just to make ends meet. I can just imagine Johnny sitting on his private island, tearing his hair out as he tries to decide between toothpaste or toilet paper this month.

Whether PotC 4 sucks, is awesome, or is somewhere in between, I think we can all agree that it’s not the money that convinced Depp to take on Jack Sparrow again. Nope – it was that legendary film set catering we hear so much about.

Yup, so it now seems that PotC4 “On Stranger Tides” is indeed going to be based on the Tim Powers novel, and not simply sharing the title. Which I think entirely sucks – On Stranger Tides is a very specific story utilizing a very specific set of characters, none of whom strike me as a shoe-in to be replaced by Jack Sparrow. Plus, if Disney has to start the planning phase of this fourth film by bastardizing a prexisting work, I just don’t see how it indicates they have the creative fortitude to do make for a decent end product.

Of course, all this might change anyways since Johnny Depp is hinting that he might not be up for a fourth film anyways, so maybe it’s a moot point.

Aye, I knew this would happen before I even started posting news and rumors of PotC4. So why’d I post them? I was probably drunk. Yeah, that’s it. Why’s the rum gone? Because Bilgemunky was blogging.

It bears pointing out that significant authorities with Disney and the PotC franchise have, in the past, vehemently denied rumors that later turned out to be true, so perhaps this means nothing. BUT, this early in the game, and based on the natures of the rumors, I’m inclined to believe it’s all bunk.

I’m afraid. Mind you, I was afraid when I first heard that Johnny Depp was playing a pirate (and from early sketches that have since been made public, I had good reason it seems), but Johnny managed to crank out a piece of genius. As to Burton directing PotC4? Now I’m really afraid.

It’s not that Burton is a bad director – far, far from it. But he is a distinctive one – aside from Ed Wood I can’t think of a decent Burton film that didn’t immediately scream, “hey, I’m a Burton film.” His work is quirky, fanciful, surreal, and creepy. With the PotC franchise getting increasingly (and to its detriment, I believe) sci-fi driven, I think Burton’s own brand of expressionism is exactly what it does NOT need at this time.

When Burton and Depp work together, magic often happens – I just fear it’s the wrong kind of magic for a pirate film. But that’s just me, and I’m sure there are hundreds of folks that will feel otherwise. And maybe Burton will prove me wrong and make a brilliant film, either by departing from his usual M.O. and returning the PotC films to the “almost reality” of the first film, or by making some splendidly brilliant piece of typical Burtonism that I could never dream of. Or maybe – and far more likely – this is just another stupid rumor with no real basis in reality and it doesn’t mean squat.

What you won’t read here:

1) Keira Knightly done with PotC – No kidding. Her story arc is over, and it’s highly unlikely we’ll see any more of Elizabeth Swann. That said, it’s too early to know anything about anything about PotC 4, which makes all “news” at this time actually pointless gossip.

2) Talk Like a Pirate Day is coming – Again, no kidding. But to be fair, maybe not all readers know this (hint, it’s September 19th, and you can read all about it.) But just the same, I’m not going to link to every newspaper that has a story about “brush up on your pirate lingo” or “prepare to say ARRRR this Saturday”, etc. etc.

3) Modern pirates have taken hostages, raided a ship, etc. – There’s nothing fun or romantic about modern piracy. So I’m not gonna promote it here.

4) Johnny Depp is doing something – This one’s actually a pet peeve of mine. If you want to be a Johnny Depp fan, fine. But this isn’t a Johnny Depp site, and unless what he’s doing has something to do with pirates, then Depp news is not pirate news. Willy Wonka ain’t a pirate, nor is Sweeny Todd. Edward Scissorhand’s off the chart entirely. Maybe you could make a case for the dude he played in “Blow”, but then see #3 above.

So there you have it – a few things you’re not going to find here. Just thought you should know.