Let’s face it – by and large, most of our pirate gear and garb is just for show. True, some of us look to acquire higher quality, functional clothing that will stand up to the elements and spaniards alike, while others opt for strictly “fashionable” items that serve no purpose except to look awsome and piratey. And this is what makes a Leather Lore Bottell stand apart – it’s virtually a practical necessity.

Bottells are basically leather canteens. They’re available in either pitch or wax lining (pitch allows for more colors, while wax restricts you to black or brown. Wax, however, is safer for use with hard liquors, i.e. RUM!) and in 16 or 32 oz capaicities. The cork is turned wood held in place with a leather cord – not one item of modern material is present. They’re solid and rigid, and though the manufacturer does warn that it’s possible to crush and ruin them, they seem very sturdy and well-built.

The incredible usefulness of this item is twofold, varying depending on the nature of your pirate event. I bought my Bottell with relatively civilized events in mind – pirate parties and conventions that occur near hotels, restraunts and indoor plumbing. The problem with civilization, though, is not everyone smiles on a pirate carrying an actual bottle of rum around (I mean, what do they expect?) As such, strapping a Bottell over your shoulder makes a rather subtle way to sneak rum whereever you go, be it movie theaters, police stations or weddings. In this respect, a Bottell is easily worth its weight in gold. Mine being the medium, 16 oz variety, it holds more than enough rum to keep me charged throughout the day, while weighing next to nothing – I can quite literally forget I’m carrying it. And since it looks right at home on a proper rough&tumble pirate outfit, no one’s likely to ever say boo about it.

The second – and arguably more important use for a Bottell would be at less civilized, more rustic events. My Bottell cut its teeth at Pirates in Paradise in Key West. My days were largely spent outdoors in the sun, and water was a necessity. But carrying a plastic water bottle around is such an ugly distraction from my otherwise fantastic pirate garb, and this is where the Bottell truly paid for itself. 16 oz of water can keep you hydrated for a good while. And the wax lining left virtually no aftertaste – what little it did leave wasn’t remotely unpleasant. I’ve partaken of water from other leather vessels in the past, and some leave an overwhelming scent of leather with each gulp. With the Bottell, I could still tell I was drinking from leather rather than plasic, but the leather was so subdued it was easily forgotten.

I love my Leather Lore Bottell. From this point forward, it will likely be the first item I pack for most any pirate event I ever attend. Mine is wax lined, and brown in color. The brown took on a lovely roughed up tone thanks to a little sun bleaching, giving it a glorious uniqueness. Being small framed, I’m very happy with the 16 oz size, although folks more of Blackbeard’s stature might find the 32 oz to their liking. Whichever size, I highly recommend forking out the extra five bucks for a shoulder strap, as it makes the Bottell much more comfortable – I fully expect the basic thong that would otherwise come with it might cut into the shoulder – especially when the Bottell is full of your favorite rum.

It was a warm spring eve when the first speck of daylight peaked out from behind the stormclouds what bombarded us throughfore the day. The landlocked crew was emerging from a long afternoon bunkered beneath the shelters, and most figured it was time to enjoy some grog beneath this small sliver of sunlight we was granted before nightfall. I myself was of like mind, and led the way to the makeshift bar that had been erected. But once the rum was poured, we realized the tragedy of our situation – we’d nowhere to rest ourselves. The ground was all but saturated, puddled and muddy, yet nary a chair was in view. And while pirates don’t think much of a little dirt, sitting in a pool of slimy muck is best left ta pigs and spaniards. One by one, the swabs around me resigned themselves ta standin while they drank, except for the remote few that just gave up and settled their flanks inta the muck beneath their toes. But as for me own self? I charted a different course.

I reached inta me haversack, and pulled out a small wooden contraption no larger than a logbook. A few quick maneuvers, and I was holding a stool, which I placed firmly on the ground. The seat was embelished with the logo of the infamous East India Company, and I took great delight in setting me hindquarters upon it, even as the rest of me crew sighed in jealousy.

Blessed is the day that this handsome device appeared at me door. While only a smidge under a foot tall, it affords a mighty comfortable seat, and suprisingly sturdy ta boot. And what’s more, if the ground is dry enough ta sit on direct, ya can instead use the stool for a makeshift table. A full foot in diameter, it allows plenty of room for eatin, drinkin, and even playin cards (though not all three at once, mind ya.)

Pirate Furniture Company is from the same minds what brought us Captain Jack’s Pirate Hats, and the very same cleverness and dedication ta quality is more than apparent. The story I just told is true, so far as it goes, and it happened at the Port Washington Pirate Festival just this past weekend. And I don’t exagerate in the least when I say I was mighty glad ta be armed, as I’m certain that had I been defenseless, my stool woulda been pried out from beneath me cold, dead buttocks by some covetous guppy. ‘N ya may lay to that!

A collapsed view of the stool, folded up and ready for transport.

The Bilgemunky Logo is a trademark of Bilgemunky Enterprises, LLC

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Pyrate Leatherworx
www.pyrate.org

*note: I adore and endorse the craftsmanship of Pyrate Leatherworx. However, I’ve received many reports of late from dissatisfied customer regarding poor communication and long overdue orders. Prior to placing an order based on this review, I strongly urge you to first read these comments from concerned readers.

This may come as a surprise to you Jack Sparrow lookalikes out there, but part of the excitement of being a pirate is getting to dress in a fun and unique manner. Sometimes this means choosing the right slops and jacket, other times it means sporting a fine hat or funky facial hair. But other times it means we get to ACCESSORIZE!

Eyepatches are a longstanding staple of the pirate look. For the healthy-bodied individual they’re more comfortable than peglegs, and less dangerous than hooks (remember not to pick your nose!). For those disinclined to doing much research, eyepatches are generally available in three styles – black leather, brown leather, or Walgreen’s Black Satin (right next to the athlete’s foot medicine.) But that’s why it’s important to read Bilgemunky.com, because in this way you can know about all the fantastic options available to you. And when it comes to eyepatches, in fact, the options are quite infinite.

Pyrate Leatherworx makes and sells eyepatches. And if you want plain brown or black leather, they’re happy to oblige. But if you’d like to add some embelishment, this is where they truly shine. They’re indeed quite happy and capable of making you an eyepatch that sports just about any sort of decoration you might imagine. For myself, it should come as no surprise that I opted for the Bilgemunky.com logo, figuring they would just grab a premade black patch and paint it on. The actual process appears to have been a bit more involved.

My completed eyepatch is rugged and textured. The logo is not only painted, but embossed, chiseled, and in all other ways “built in” to the leather. This creates a looks that’s original, rustic, and is easily the most “historically feasible” rendition of my logo. It’s not often that the Bilgemunky.com logo is made in such a way as to almost look period, but in this case it’s not much of a stretch. The patch itself is sturdy, and surprisingly rigid. It’s formed into a domed shape, making for a comfortable fit. And Pyrate Leatherworx uses a unique strap method that ensures there are no knots to distract any and all admirers.

For anyone wanting a fancier patch, but not wanting to trouble with coming up with a design, Pyrate Leatherworx offers a couple standby images, those being skulls and (disturbingly) eyeballs. But for those wanting a truly one-of-a-kind eyepatch to set them apart from those other lubbers, a Pyrate Leatherworx patch could serve you well.

*note: I adore and endorse the craftsmanship of Pyrate Leatherworx. However, I’ve received many reports of late from dissatisfied customer regarding poor communication and long overdue orders. Prior to placing an order based on this review, I strongly urge you to first read these comments from concerned readers.

Pyrate Leatherworx’ etched flask and pouch set is basic accessorization at its finest – a basic glass flask with a jolly roger etched into its face, along with a rugged leather pouch, held shut with a doubloon and leather strap.

Little need be said of these items – except that the glass is roughly cast for that old timey feel, and various designs are available to choose from. And the pouch is a fine and functional costume item, with or without the flask (I find it terribly useful when wearing costumes without pockets.)

Basic pirate accessories can be a bear to find, but Pyrate Leatherworx pouch and flask – available for purchase together or separately, can easily compliment your get-up. And if it’s something on the fancier side you’re wanting, they offer that as well