It’s a well-accepted fact that root beer is the most piratey of all non-alcoholic beverages. If this is news to you, then you really need to play The Secret of Monkey Island to further your piratey education. If you’ve already played Monkey Island but still dispute root beer’s soft-drink dominance over all piratedom, then you’re not as smart as I’d hoped (and likely not as good looking, either.)

RootJack is a new pirate energy drink from Voodoo Elixirs. Essentially orange flavored root beer with extra caffeine and guarana, RootJack makes no claims at fighting ghosts (again, see Monkey Island) – it does, however, fight scurvy thanks to a full day’s supply of vitamin C. So long, puffy gums, so long bleeding sores – RootJack makes it all better, and tastes pretty good alongside.

Actually, I’m surprised that it took someone this long to release a pirate energy drink, but I’m glad that RootJack is the brand that rose to the occasion. Served in bottles – as all proper root beer should, the label bears a pirate lass sitting astride a cannon in a common Freudian pose. As to the root beer itself, it’s indeed very good – tasty and smooth, although the addition of orange does require a little getting used to – myself having rarely mixed rootbeer with anything except vanilla ice cream. Speaking of which, the RootJack website offers a whole variety of mixing suggestions to help add even more spice (and in most cases, alcohol) to your RootJack experience. Based on the ingredients available in an old box in my basement, I gave a try at the Banana Hammock Rootjack Hammock, which was RootJack mixed with banana liqueur and coconut rum. The result was a fine summer drink, although entirely deceptive (so be careful drinking if you’ve got a ship to steer home afterwards.)

RootJack’s only shortcoming for me is a very slight undertone that seemed slightly chemically, but not quite. At first I thought it might be one of those lab-based sweeteners, but from the ingredients I don’t think that the case. As someone who doesn’t drink many energy drinks (and those I do being so tart as to conceal any and all undertones), my best guess is that the guarana seed extract is the culprit in this unfamiliar mystery taste.

This little extra aside, RootJack is definitely a fine beverage, and I look forward to trying many of their other recommended recipes – which leads us to the larger dilemma of where to purchase the stuff. This far, RootJack is available at select locations in Indiana and Illinois (how do ya like that – for once the Midwest gets something first!) Hopefully distribution will spread quickly, as many a pirate will be wanting to get their grubby paws on this stuff.