Mid-June has come and gone, and it was my great pleasure to attend the Northern California Pirate Festival in Vallejo. Having attended this festival each of its three years, I’d love to say that I’ve witnessed it grow into something fantastic, but in this rare case no growth was necessary – never have I seen an event so much hit the ground running as this. The 2009 season proved every bit as worthy an event as its two predecessors as the waterfront park was again converted into a full-on pirate festival for two days during Fathers’ Day weekend.

The first thing that stands out about NorCal is its curbside appeal. While this isn’t a feature many festivals boast, NorCal manages to set a new standard with two enormous ship’s masts that mark the festival entrance. Depending on when you arrive, there might even be a boisterous scalliwag yelling from the rigging. Upon entering the festival proper, the grounds are filled with what must be hundreds of piratey vendors – clothing, weapons, piratey arts and crafts as well as pirate-themed teas and T-shirts. Taking it all in required several passes, as did the food court, which always boasts a variety rarely seen. Maybe it’s a California thing, or maybe NorCal stands alone, but never before at a pirate festival have I seen artichoke hearts, duck and quail, or fried oysters (although the more usual turkey legs and chili dogs are of course available as well.)

Entertainment throughout the day consisted of music by The Pirates Charles )who I still maintain to be one of the best live pirate bands currently in the circuit), shanty legends Skip Henderson and the Starboard Watch, Queen Anne’s Revenge, Mr. Mac, The Roving Tars, and of course Bay Area natives The Seadogs. Non-musical acts included weapons demonstrations by The Brotherhood of Oceanic Mercenaries, and it was also a real treat to finally catch Captain Jack Spareribs’ show, which – get this – is actually really, really funny (Jack Sparrow lookalikes always make me uneasy – as do puppets.)

One of this festival’s other great (and fortunate) assets is the remarkable diversity of its attendees. Sure, there are the normal folk and pirate reenactors – but I’m talking about the vast number of people that find new and creative ways to merge the pirate genre with whatever strikes their fancy. This year alone I saw pirate punks, Pirate Elvis (the ONLY pirate king, imo), pirate zombies, pirate mermaids, pirate sailors, and even a gay pirate bunny. And yes, there were indeed airship pirates, which is rapidly becoming a gristle in my craw, so let me clarify for those of you that need it…

(begin soapbox)
At an event such as NorCal, Airship Pirates are fair game. But this does NOT mean all steampunk is piratey. Steampunk elephant hunters, bug exterminators, or undead railroad conductors have nothing to do with pirates – take that psuedo-victorian sci-fi lark elsewhere.
(end soapbox)

Oh, lest I forget, Saturday night included a new addition to the festival – an afterparty. Held at “The Cantina”, a local mexican restaurant, the first few hours featured music DJed by none other than myself, with The Pirates Charles taking the stage later on to close out the evening in a truly splendid fashion.

To me, the NorCal Pirate Festival remains one of the best in the business. Even the editor of No Quarter Given, Jamaica Rose, who’s likely been to more pirate festivals than anyone on the planet, once told me she places it handily in the top three (alongside Gasparilla and Pirates in Paradise.) Non-pirate types will likely get their fill in one day, but those of us a bit more hopelessly addicted to the subject can flesh out the weekend by getting some one-on-one chat time with such pirate luminaries as Skip Henderson, the reenactors of Tales of the Seven Seas, the crew of Pirates Magazine, pirate artist Richard Becker, and many other folks you’ve likely read about. It’s definitely worth the trek to attend, regardless of where you’re hailing from – just be sure to pack lots of sunscreen.

Tired of sissy pirate games that gloss over the brutality of combat? Just watch this video and pay special attention to when Captain Blood beats the tar out of an opponent – we’re talking Mortal Combat levels of bloodshed. For a basic shoot-em-up pirate game, which I don’t think we’ve seen of note since Pirates: The Legend of Black Kat back in 02, I think this is looking pretty sweet. There’s just one caveat, though:

What is Akella playing at? The geniuses that brought us Sea Dogs turned into the fops that brought us Pirates of the Caribbean, and then devolved into the outright morons that brought us Age of Pirates: Caribbean Tales. It’s been a painful downward spiral, so the pending (long time pending, for that matter) release of Age of Pirates: Captain Blood, wasn’t anything to be hopeful about. But now word has it that it’s being developed by Sea Wolf. Who’s Sea Wolf, I wonder? Gamespot only shows this one single title under their name, which makes me suspect that they’re just a division of Akella trying to distance themselves from a name that has so steadily drug their own legacy into the gutter. But that’s just specualation – basic web searches turned up nothing.

Of course, there’s also the concern that early Captain Blood screenshots indicated this to be a historical rpg/simulator, rather than the clear shoot-em-up it’s become, and loyalists have clearly gotten themselves into a tissy. The only consolation I can offer is that if it actually is still Akella pulling the strings, it would have most likely been a sucky rpg anyways. By lowering the bar to a mere shoot-em-up, maybe it stands a chance of being as great as the preview indicates.

Anyways, you can explore it yourself at Gamespot, where they have a couple of previews, a whole mess of screenshots, and various other news I can’t be bothered to read just now.

Genre: Traditional and traditional-styled origninal pirate tunes.
Rating: PG-13
Target Audience: Late teens to early retirement

The Seadogs are very likely the largest pirate band in existence. “Everyone Loves Singing Pirates”, being their second shanty album, and their first actually dedicated to the noble subject of piracy, features the combined efforts of no fewer than 14 artists. Not many pirate bands boast enough manpower to crew a small galleon, but the Seadogs certainly come close.

“Everyone Loves Singing Pirates” is a (mostly) family-friendly CD featuring 16 tracks of traditional and original material – all of it piratey, and of varied quality. With a few exceptions, the Seadogs come across as lackluster when performing traditional or cover songs, but then rise to an entirely new level when playing their own original material. It’s these Seadogs originals that are truly attention-grabbing, and they’re the reason you’ll want to own this CD.

The album begins with Dead Man’s Chest from the novel Treasure Island. Perhaps it’s due to this song’s literary (rather than musical) origins, but I’ve never heard it performed in a way that’s truly bowled me over. The Seadogs’ version is particularly rough, being something of a slow, funerial march. Between the ominous vocals and slow heavy drumbeat it should come across as dark and forboding – and it does. But it’s also a rather flat, and is amongst the bottom three songs on the album, the other two being Bold Princess Royal (way too sing-songy) and Pump Shanty (good lead vocals and drum, but painfully flat backup vocals.)

The Seadogs achieve better results in many of the album’s other covers, although they occasionally miss the mark with regards to tone, as High Barbary and Demon of the Sea seem too friendly and upbeat for their subject matter. Maid on the Shore and Henry Martin are pleasantly more grounded, and quite easy on the ears with crisp vocals and easy-going melodies. Dark Lady and Man o’ War take it up another notch and are more interestingly performed, but sadly suffer from apparent limitations in the recording equipment – elements of the vocals seem slightly garbled in both, while Dark Lady also features a flute that comes across far too prominently for comfort.

By and large, the Seadogs’ versions of traditional and cover songs aren’t entirely noteworthy, but there are a couple stars in the mix. Shiver My Timbers is a fine rendition of a Muppet Treasure Island favorite. They do a great job of making this song their own – no small task considering it was written to be sung by frogs, bugs, easter-island heads, and other various puppets. Rollickin’ Randy Dandy O also stands tall, with prominent lead female vocals sung with a will. The singer has some pipes on her, and she’s not afraid to use them. Drums and backup vocals do an excellent job of rounding this song out to a definite thing of beauty.

So we’ve addressed what’s been good and what’s been not-so-good – now let’s talk about what’s exceptional. I’m sure it’s no coincidence, but the Seadogs’ truly shine when performing their own original content. Not only is it a treat to hear something unique, but the band as a whole seems to rise to the occasion in a way that’s largely absent during most of the traditional pieces. What Care We? is the first of these songs, and is a jolly folk-style bit about how much life would suck not being a pirate, and how other careers are so lacking. A surprisingly friendly sounding song featuring lyrics of the delights of pain and bloodshed. This contrast between tone and content isn’t quite utilized to its full comedic potential (a shortcoming that’s likely remedied when performed live – this song begs for physical embellishment,) but it remains an enjoyable tune with amusing lyrics. Letter O’ Marque propels us to the next level though, being an enthusiastic tribute to Sir Francis Drake that’s both energizing and catchy. The lead vocals are strong and salty, and the backup vocals and instruments measure up perfectly to make for a consistently good piece. Whip or Stroke and Crew of Jones share this same quality and energy, but add an extra dose of sinister, just to keep it interesting.

While we’re on the subject of sinister, Lured to the Depths is the queen beast of such. This song features a trio of mermaids singing out of both sides of their mouths as verses flip between friendly and devilish – some to welcome, entice, and seduce, others to ensnare and consume. Sailors be warned, these ‘maids will delight in your destruction, and the playful wiles in their “come hither” lyrics contrast wonderfully with the shameless glee they exhibit when singing of sailors’ destruction. It does feature some adult innuendo that might offend the puritans in the audience, but nothing so blatant as to rouse the curiosity of the young’ns.

“Everyone Loves Singing Pirates” is a worthy addition to any pirate music collection. The album can be underwhelming when it comes to traditional sea shanties, but when the Seadogs belt out their original material they more than compensate. During such songs, they truly come into their own to make for a genuinely piratey and worthwhile experience.

I hate to be so blunt, especially with a game that I had hoped to love:

Age of Pirates: Caribbean Tales is an uncut diamond buried deep within a bottomless dung heap. It could have been great, it should have been great, but for whatever reason it was sent to market incomplete in most every respect, and is therefore not worth your hard-earned doubloons.

I’m an enormous fan of the original Seadogs. For all it’s quirks and bugs, it was still wonderfully fun, and easily set the standard for 3rd person pirate adventure games. Pirates of the Caribbean (Seadogs 2 before jumping on board with Disney) was also flawed – the last minute Disney changes seemed half-baked and disrupted the original intentions of the developers. But just the same, it was quite the improvement over Seadogs, and with the various mods created by fans it soon evolved into an ever-growing pirate world of near infinite options.

So what happened with the third game in this trilogy – Age of Pirates: Caribbean Tales? No last minute Disney meddling to blame this time. Whatever the cause, this game is dreadfully incomplete. From a technical perspective selling this game borders on the criminal – it is virtually unplayable without the patch (released a couple of weeks after the game hit the shelves,) and even with the patch, it is still prone to crashes and oddities (popup screens in russian, for example). But even without the bugs, this game is woefully inadequate. Many features were clearly in development, and then sealed off – churches and banks, for example, abound throughout the islands, but they serve no purpose. The ability to visit random buildings and jungles – such a fantastic feature in Pirates of the Caribbean, is completely removed (although folks wiser in code than myself have explained that the data is there, just locked off.) Personally, I don’t care to pay full price for a video game only to learn that so many of its better features have been removed.

Like in the previous two games, players can follow the primary storyline while engaging in smaller missions on the side. But unlike the previous games, both options are just pathetic this time around. The main storyline is barely there – I spent more time developing my skills to be good enough to tackle the main scenario than actually performing it, and by no small margin. Plot holes leave players wondering what they should do next (searching for secret rooms that don’t actually exist in game) and any sort of proper guidance or intrigue is nearly nonexistent. As to the smaller missions, they are nothing more than milk runs. Gone are the multi-step “investigate this or rescue that” in favor of mere escort and delivery errands. Fun the first time or two, but hardly engaging material in the long run.

The greatest tragedy in all this is that this game should have been a gem. The graphics are gorgeous (when they don’t bug up,) and the islands in this virtual Caribbean seem vast and beg to be explored. Sadly, whatever marvels the developers originally had in store, they never made it into the finished product. Even without the crippling bugs and crashes, this game would remain a mere shadow of its predecessors. The one saving hope is that fans and modders will tackle this game as they did Pirates of the Caribbean and complete the work that others left unfinished.