Review: 2008 Hot Pirate Babe Calendar

Rating: ★★★★☆
Hot Pirate Babes
www.hotpiratebabes.com

As if the year wasn’t going by fast enough, it seems that 2008 calendars are now on the market. It’s a notion I find frightening, but at least the 2008 Hot Pirate Babes Calendar is here to give us a more inviting taste of what’s in store for the coming year.

I’ve previously reviewed the 2007 Hot Pirate Babes Calendar, and I’m pleased to note that 2008 will carry forth in the fine precedent set – that being one of hot babes (appropriately enough) gussied up in pirate gear and holding pirate accessories in pirate settings and striking pirate poses. It’s a simple enough formula (at least on paper), and one that works rather well. Continue reading

Review: Hot Pirate Babes 2007 Calendar

Rating: ★★★½☆
Hot Pirate Babes
www.hotpiratebabes.com

How many times have a bunch of blokes been sitting together and come up with the brilliant notion, “hey, we should make a calendar of hot pirate babes!” Without a doubt, the idea has been tossed about many a time. But for some reason it wasn’t until 2007 that someone actually took the project to task. And thus was born Tiger Lee’s “Hot Pirate Babes Calendar”, being the ultimate in aptly titled products this side of the Grand Canyon.

Hot Pirate Babes features 12 months of seagoing beauties – each of them armed. And while most are somewhat under-dressed for combat, many nonetheless sport combative snarles that make it clear they have something other than amore on their minds. I mention this point because it’s a subject that draws wildly different reactions from different viewers. The calendar’s cover, in fact, features a buxom blonde firing her pistol and bearing her pearly whites in a manner that says anything but “come hither.” (Unless, of course, it’s “come hither so I may gut you like a spaniard.”) In my own experience scorned women have proven best avoided, and aren’t something I would normally opt to pin to my wall (we’re talking calendars, remember.) Some of my mates, however, have clearly differed on this subject, and expressed that a warlike countenance can be quite the turn-on. Continue reading

Review: Pirates – A Joone Film (adults only)

Rating: ★★★★☆
www.piratesxxx.com

Let’s just make one thing clear from the start – this is an adult film, albeit with all the truly naughty bits edited out to acheive an R rating. That’s not some sort exageration to make a point, it’s a fact – you can buy the unedited version online through many sources. This review, however, concerns the R version.

It’s important to recognize that this is an edited adult film, as without this knowledge you might be perplexed at how readily the characters get “snuggly” with each other, even in the most unlikely of circumstances (inside a burning barn, for example.) These scenes don’t get terribly graphic – I’ve seen much more explicit in any number of mainstream movies, although rarely in such frequency. Many of the scenes, in fact, are cut short before they’ve even properly begun. That said, this still isn’t a film to share with your 13 year old kids, as sexual context is there in abundance, as are brief images of writhing bodies, and more than a few naked breasts. Continue reading

The Devil Wore Purple Plunder Pants – Chapter 5

excerpt from
“The Devil Wore Purple Plunder-Pants”
an upcoming romance novel from Bilgemunky Press

note: The following story and characters are works of fiction. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, and especially any resemblance to Keira Knightly, super sexy star of Pirates of the Caribbean, is entirely coincidental.

Chapter 5 – Inside the Contessa’s Chamber

Bam! Crash! Strangle! Boom!

The Contessa de Salma tightly clenched a stiletto to her silky bosom as she stared at her bedchamber door with an intensity that would surely whither the spine of even the most courageous of men. Unfortunately for her, it was no mere man that currently decimated her soldiers in the hallway – it was a demon of the sea, a mad beast driven by love and rage – love for his beloved Keira Knightly, who had looked really hot in that red dress in Pirates of the Caribbean, and rage at having had her torn from his mighty arms by the dastardly Don Squishy, scourge of four out of five Great Lakes. Continue reading

The Devil Wore Purple Plunder Pants – Chapter 3

excerpt from
“The Devil Wore Purple Plunder-Pants”
an upcoming romance novel from Bilgemunky Press

note: The following story and characters are works of fiction. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, and especially any resemblance to Keira Knightly, super sexy star of Pirates of the Caribbean, is entirely coincidental.

ChapterĀ 3 – Reunion Denied

Keira flew towards the beach with billowing nightgown trailing behind her. Her dainty heart pounded like a cannibal’s war-drum as her lily white toes dug into the sand, propelling her ever towards her long lost love. She had feared she’d never see him again, but at last, at long, long last he had returned.

Bilgemunky crawled out of the ocean, waves crashing over his sinewy shoulders. He was exhausted from the battle, yet energized by his victory over the rebel pygmies. But it was the sight of his beloved Keira rushing towards him that truly quickened his blood. The outline of her delicate feminine figure was teasingly visible through the ghostly white layers of her gown as she scampered towards him, and Bilgemunky realized that it was times like this when it was good to be a man, or at least a primate of the male persuasion. Continue reading