May 12th, 2009. That’s the date that Age of Pirates 2: City of Abandoned Ships is scheduled for release. You can read the details here.
So let me make another prediction – on May 12th, computers of pirate enthusiasts around the globe will crash, weird Russian text will inexplicably pop up onscreen containing vital yet untranslated information, and quests and storylines – if the game can run without a bluescreen of death for long enough, will trail off in unexpected and illogical directions.
I’m a nice guy, and therefore I’m sometimes overly delicate in dishing out the criticism. But I feel very unsympathetic in this case – Akella handed us a steaming turd with Age of Pirates: Caribbean Tales. It was the Windows Vista of the pirate gaming world – gorgeous at first glance, but a disaster on second, third, and fourth. I hope they’ve pulled their heads from their collective asses this time around, because I truly want this to be a great game. The creators of Seadogs should by all rights to the kings of the genre – they’ve got the goods, they just never seem to have the common sense or quality control.
One shoe has Guybrush in a swordfight, the other portrays the night watchman of Melee Island. They don’t show what’s on the flip side of either, so I’m going to assume LeChuck in a tickle fight with Herman Toothrot on the left, and Elaine Marley in a seductive pose on the right.
So for your naysayers who thought Monkey Island was dead, EAT IT!
Is this the weirdest item I’ve ever reviewed? Maybe. Wait, there was that one rum that tasted of breakfast sausage…
No, this is weirder.
It’s a pirate head. Well, most of a pirate head. Jawline up. And he appears to be sleeping. No larger than a baseball, his firey red hear spews in all directions. There’s even a braid or two amongst the locks. Continue reading →
Unlike previous after-action reports, I don’t need to provide you with full details as to how PyrateCon and PyrateWeek went – you can read about them on my earlier posts from onsite. But, it does seem worthwhile to offer a few final thoughts. Both events have enjoyed (meaning suffered) their share of political BS – some of it perhaps justified, some of it perhaps less so. For me – and I imagine for most readers – none of it adds up to squat. All that matters to me as an attendee is whether these events are worth my time and money to attend. That’s not to say wronged parties shouldn’t seek justice, just that it’s not my concern to sort it all out. Continue reading →
Unlike most PotC rumors, this one actually seems to be confirmed – Gore Verbinski will NOT be directing the next pirates flick. I don’t know what to make of that, since the impact of this news obviously rests on the question of who WILL be directing. Early rumors indicated Tim Burton, which makes me cringe, but that was a while ago and probably not worth banking on.
Shennanigans! I cry shennanigans! The Ninja vs. Pirate mobile might at first appear a good-natured effort to balance out the PvN debate, or perhaps to hang over your child’s crib to teach them tolerance for both parties. But let’s consider – all the figures, pirate and ninja alike, are in stealthy black shadow form. And… AND… it clearly has no music box like a proper mobile should, so where are the boisterous sea songs? If the mobile is entirely silent, entirely black, and is designed to sway gently in the breeze like a leaf on the wind, then tell me it’s not biased towards ninjas and therefore intended to corrupt young minds???
Don’t bother trying to buy one – I already bought them all. To douse them in rum and set them aflame. Pirates strike back, yo ho ho.
That’s right – Michael Crighton, famous for sci-fi novels about cloned dinosaurs and pschotic diamond-hording apes, is now publishing a pirate novel – “Pirate Latitudes.” Or rather, being as Crighton passed away last month, I suppose his estate is publishing it. Regardless – new pirate novel on the horizon, and thanks to Red Beard for bringing it to my attention!