Bilgemunky to DJ at Michigan Pirate Festival!

That’s right, ya swabs – join me in Grand Haven Michigan on Friday, August 7th for the very best in pirate-core, pirate-shanties, and all other respects of pirate-arrrsome! I’ll be DJing live at the Dee-Lite Bar beginning around 9:30 p.m., so drop by if you can – preferably in your pirate finery, and in a mood to show any landlubbers present how the pirate know how to party!

And since you’re already planning to drive all the way to Grand Haven, Michigan just to see me DJ, be sure to stick around for the Michigan Pirate Festival. I’ll be out and about all day Saturday and enjoying shows by the Bawdy Boys, Knotty Bits, and the Dark Flower Gypsies. Full info about the festival can be found at

See ya there!

Review: Launch of the Screaming Narwhal

Rating: ★★★½☆

talesofmi_guybrush_screenshotWe had given up hope, mostly. True, it remained close to our hearts, but rarely at the forefront of our minds. Some fansites remained, although others had shut down for lack of material or purpose. And those in the know? They told us time and again to give up – there would be no more Monkey Islands.

Monkey Island represents a strange yet significant event in pirate history. Those of us who love pirates more than average; most of us would point to the Pirates of the Caribbean rides as the most influential element in our piratey formative years. This is a common experience we share across a wide age range – from the old to the young. But there exists a sliver of us – the piratey Gen Xers – that also largely fell in love with another piece of piratey pop-culture long before the floodgates were opened by the Disney films, and that was the 1991 videogame The Secret of Monkey Island. In many ways cutting edge at the time, today’s audience would likely view it as only a little better than Donkey Kong. Continue reading

Review: Pirate Tarot Cards

Rating: ★★★★☆ (cardstock version) (wooden version)

pirate-tarot-0In my years of reviewing pirate products, I’ve seen a lot of repetition in product – multiple manufacturers of pirate hats, multiple varieties of pirate games, all sorts of varied pirate music, etc. This isn’t remotely a bad thing, as variety and options are indeed the spice of piratey life. But it is a rare thing to come across something truly new, as is the case with The Pirate Tarot.

For those unfamiliar, tarot cards are intended as a way of divining the future. Cards are shuffled, a question is asked, and the cards are layed out in patterns to represent past, present, future, and any number of other factors. Tarot deck designs are most usually mystical in nature – elves, wizards, etc, but can be made in any number of themes, including – at last – pirates. Continue reading

Mad Props, Yo (and get your liver examined)

The email simply reads:



For those who aren’t clear, those are bottle caps. Counting those on the sign as well, I’m estimating approximately 477 bottles – and that’s consumed by two guys in one year. Simple math:

477 bottles a year divided by two guys, 365 days in a year, 750 mL per bottle, 3,785.4 mL in a gallon, 16 cups in a gallon, and viola! – 2 cups of rum per guy per day.

Don’t think that sounds like much? Consider that the average American doesn’t drink that much WATER on a daily basis and we begin to realize that Deon and Markus probably aren’t actually human, but more likely are superior alien beings that survive on rum. Rather than carbon-based, their species is made up of gunpowder and rust. And instead of walking on two legs they sort of stumble and roll, or perhaps just lie there in a puddle of their own drool while the ceiling spins, wishing to god they could make it to the bathroom very, very soon.

Buy the Whydah Museum (but not entirely)

Pirate museum site up for sale |

Barry Clifford is selling the site of his long-time Whydah Museum, which also includes the private quarters portion upstairs. Of course, the Museum itself leaves with Barry, but that doesn’t mean the real estate itself isn’t plenty awesome – perched on the pier, it’s surrounded by water and includes several boat slips. And all this for only $5.5 million. Hell, I got that much lying in an old shoebox somewhere – if the place was only a little further south (I hate winters) then I’d snap it up in a heartbeat for the new Headquarters.

Davy Jones Hat Looks Pretty Sweet

Generally, if a pirate clothing vendor wants their swag mentioned on this site they’ve got to send me a sample for review. But Captain Jack’s Pirate Hats’ new Davy Jones Hat takes over 70 hours to make apiece, so I think we’ll give them a pass. From the pictures it looks to be quite the thing – barnacles, clams, seaweed, and I think their might even be some needles and plastic rings from soda cans tucked in the back (it’s a modern Davy Jones.)


You can check it all out for yourself at The hats won’t be sold there, though. Due to the limited production, Jack only plans to make them available through ebay, so get ready to bid!

Yo Ho Ho and a Thousand Bottles of Rum

Collection of 1,000 bottles of rum finds a home in Broadmoor –

Hell, I’d probably have a thousand bottles of rum by now if I’d thought to keep them all. The difference? Mine would all be empty, and about half of them would be Goslings Black Seal. But Steve Remsberg, from somewhere around Louisiana-way, has over a thousand different bottles, and many of them still full. He’s developed a knack for finding rare, limited production rums, and only opens them if he also finds a duplicate. Which means he probably has one of the greatest collections on the planet, and I really need to quickly mastermind a plan to “randomly” meet him, engratiate myself to him, and get listed in his will. Something like hiring a gang of cyborg ruffians to try and mug him, and I can then swoop in and save him, and our friendship could develop from there. Yeah, that should do the trick.