Kraken Rum Poetry

Actually, the term “poetry” might be misapplied here, but poetry was at least the goal of this little project, if not the actual result. Monday’s episode of Bilgemunky Radio included a trivia contest with a grand prize of a fantastic book from Kraken Rum. In order to qualify for the contest, listeners were asked to submit either a limerick or haiku about how much they loved Kraken Rum – without using the words love, rum, or kraken. For your amusement and torture, here are the submissions:

Gimmie that book mate i drink i enjoy i am into i am out of that drinks i need
-Mad Davy Flynt

As you can see, Mad Davy’s submisson was… questionable. I wasn’t even sure if he understood the instructions, and indeed many of his answers to the contest throughout the evening made me suspect alcohol poisoning. Still, Davy’s a good mate, so I enacted “pirate privileged” and let his entry pass.

Continue reading

I *really* Need to Get a Floggin’ WII Someday :(

‘Pirates: Adventures Of The Black Corsair’

So coming out for the WII is some sort of piratey action/adventure game. The graphics don’t look the best, although the blonde waitress is rather fetching. But, much like Pirate vs. Ninjas Dodgeball, I probably won’t be able to review it because so many of these new games are exclusively console games, and I’m strictly a PC household at this time.

God Doesn’t Want Me to Review this Book: Hook & Jill

This is an actual photograph of this book as it appeared to me while reading it.

I tried. Really, I tried. But I use a reading light, you see. It’s because my wife doesn’t like to sleep with the lights on, and I can’t read in the dark. So the reading light is our solution. But as with all things, batteries don’t last forever, and so mine died before I was even a full page into Hook&Jill by Andrea Jones. No worries, I have spare AAs… somewhere. I dug and dug, and found four. My light needs four because it’s old and inefficient. I changed the batteries and again set myself to reading, but then the bulb went out. Again, I have spares. I changed the bulb in the dark. It’s tricky business getting those two teensy weensy prongs to fit in place without being able to see. But as with all things, I was victorious in the end. I read another paragraph…

and then the bulb again died. I again replaced it. That one burned out too.

Come morning, I learned that two of my AA batteries only *felt* like ordinary AA’s. Had I been able to see them, I would have known they were special voltage AA’s intended for my cordless mouse. I guess that’s why the bulbs kept overloading and burning out. But burn out they did, and so here is my review of Hook&Jill, as best I can do without having been able to see the words: Continue reading

Fell’s Point in Two Weeks!!!

It’s been a long winter, and with the exception of a fine weekend at the Port Radisson Pirate’s Rendezvous, a rather quiet one for me (if you don’t count rocking out to pirate-core every Monday night, of course.)

Anyways, I’m well and ready to head to Baltimore in two weeks and kick some pirate lords in the butts congratulate some Devil’s Dozen Honorees. The guest list is growing, and full of the sorts of swabs that are sure to make for a killer party – just add rum. They call it Fell’s Point Privateer Day, but there seem to be activities planned the whole weekend long. Hope to see some of you there!

Swashbuckler Soiree:
Privateer Day:
Fell’s Point Pirate Invasion:

Win the Coveted KRAKEN RUM BOOK!

Ever since I bragged on the extraordinary promo package I received from Kraken Rum, readers have emailed me to express their salivations for the package’s crown piece – the BOOK. Chock full of words and illustrations depicting the anatomy, history, and myth of the kraken, as well as anti-kraken weapons and drink recipes, this hardbound book is a must for any piratey rum fantatic! They’re precious hard to come by, but I have been fortunate enough to come across a spare – and it could be YOURS!

Tune in to Bilgemunky Radio this coming Monday night for your chance to participate in the bloody competition. Plan to listen close, shoot in an email or several, and wrack your brain for info about Kraken Rum, the kraken itself, and Bilgemunky Radio! Contest entry will be locked shortly after the program begins, so don’t be late! 8 pm, CST!!!

You’re Doing it Wrong (and you probably drink bacardi)

Police Nab 2 So-Called ‘Grease Pirates’

I’ve seen music pirates, I’ve seen underwear pirates, and now it’s grease pirates. I really think the media needs to come up with a new buzzword – every time some one steals crap it doesn’t have to be piracy. I mean, were they even wearing cool hats? Did they have a parrot or a hook? I rest my case.

The Greatest and Scariest Title Ever…

Autonomous Oceanic Modules Could Self-Assemble Into Pirate-Fighting Bases, Like Legos

Leave it to DARPA to combine the forces of mad science and Legos to fight pirates. If only they were targeting ninjas instead I would fully approve. But as it is, I’m now completely terrified, and will never look at Legos the same way again. I will, however, continue to look at mad scientists with a mix of pity and envy.