I just puked in my mouth a little.

On the surface an article about Disney’s PotC ride being given a holiday makeover. OK fine. But keep reading and you’ll learn of plans for characters from OTHER films being intermingled amongst the pirates, Miley Cyrus replacing “the Redhead”, and the ability to “shop” while you ride the ride by pointing a telescope at merchandise tucked amongst the scenery and clicking a “charge me now” button.

And you thought George Lucas had a knack for violating your inner child. It seems he’s a saint next to the mouse. There’s a chance this is all a joke, but Disney has hardly earned my benefit of the doubt in such matters.

You better not pout – MiceAge.com.

Curses to Scarlett Harlott, who made me aware of this article and thus depriving me of sleep for the next week or two.

After Action Report: 2010 Devil’s Dozen Ceremony

As anyone paying even a sliver of attention surely knows, the 2010 Fell’s Point Privateer Day weekend was kicked off with a Friday night induction ceremony of the first annual Devil’s Dozen winners – initiates into the fledgling fraternal pirate organization of The Order of Leviathan. The Order is the brainchild of legendary pirate Talderoy, who wished to create a society of accomplished pirates. The Order’s ranks will be added to each year via the Devil’s Dozen election, a process by which peers from within the pirate community may choose pirates of note from amongst their own. Actually, the process is a little more complex than that, but it’s close enough for the purpose of enjoying the induction festivities. Continue reading

Disney Confirms that Astrid Berges-Frisbey’s Breasts are Real

Well, not directly. But being as only a couple of weeks ago Disney put out a casting call for non-enhanced ladies to portray mermaids, and being as now they’ve announced the French actress Astrid Berges-Frisbey (no relation to the Rats of Nimh) will be portraying one of said mermaids, you can do the math yourself.

French actresss joins ‘Pirates’ – Phoenix Arizona News

Also in late breaking news, Keira Knightly has ONCE AGAIN confirmed that she will not be appearing in the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean film. The poor girl has got to be tired as all hell of getting asked that question, and if the press doesn’t catch on soon she might just have a breakdown and get something like “NotInPotC4” tattooed across her forehead, which would mean I’d have to alter all my Keira Knightly action figures to match, and I don’t have time for that carp.

Bilgemunky Swag Sale!!!

OK mates, as anyone who’s recently tried to purchase a Bilgemunky T-Shirt is keenly aware, it’s high time for a change in how I fill the continued demand for Bilgemunky Swag. Keeping my own inventory was a great start, as it allowed for much higher quality products than were available through the online print-on-demand services of the time. But time changes, technology improves, and I’m tired of running out of some shirt sizes while sitting on a glut of other sizes. So… stay tuned for new swag, courtesy of Print Infection. This will allow faster delivery, more styles and colors, more designs, and infinite inventory. Pretty sweet, eh?

But there’s a downside – cost, for one. The new shop will necessarily be more expensive than the old. Which is why today is your lucky day x2. Not only can you still buy from the old store and its cheaper prices, but all prices have been slashed as well! Supplies are limited, so don’t delay!

Get your Bilgemunky T-Shirts, Eyepatches, and Bandanas today! They make great gifts for any occasion, from “Happy Birthday” to “I’m sorry for maxing out our credit cards at the brothel again – I was only gambling, I swear!”

Q&A – The Captain’s Daughter

I just received a question via email, and thought that the wisdom I shared was just too splendid to be wasted on just one reader. So rather than replying to him directly, here’s the question and answer in all its public glory.

Q: Oh great, powerful and wise Bilgemunky. I’m listening to Cpt. Dan and during “The code” song he says “… and the captians daughter you’ll be sure to taste”. WTF does that mean? Did i just misunderstand the words, I don’t have any lyrics with me. If that IS what he says, what does that mean?

-Doglock Hawk Continue reading

Newsflash – Depp isn’t desperate for ca$h

Johnny Depp defends Pirates movies

So IndianExpress.com has just posted an article in which Johnny Depp defends his decision to star in another Pirates of the Caribbean film, and claims that he’s not just doing it for the money.

Wow, that’s some crack reporting – one of Hollywood’s highest paid, highest demand actors doesn’t need to sell out just to make ends meet. I can just imagine Johnny sitting on his private island, tearing his hair out as he tries to decide between toothpaste or toilet paper this month.

Whether PotC 4 sucks, is awesome, or is somewhere in between, I think we can all agree that it’s not the money that convinced Depp to take on Jack Sparrow again. Nope – it was that legendary film set catering we hear so much about.