Megan Fox Doesn’t Get to Play Pirate

See, this is why it’s good that I don’t glom onto every rumor that comes along about PotC4. For a week or so now I’ve seen headline after headline that Megan Fox was considering a role as a mermaid in the next Pirates film. The rumors seems insubstantial, though, as 1) While she was clearly expressing interest, not one story offered any evidence that she was actually being considered. And 2) My gut says the role she was talking about was the one already slated for some French chick. Ms. Frisby, or something like that.

Anyways, rumor-busting story here:

Megan Fox Will Not Be A Part Of ‘Pirates’ Treasure

Which begs the question, was there ever a story at all, or was this just a publicity stunt by Fox’s manager to keep her name in the headlines? Seems like a good idea, actually, which is why I hereby announce MY OWN plans to star in the next Pirates of the Caribbean film, where I’ll be portraying the seasick deckhand who accidentally pukes on Jack Sparrow’s boots. Hilarity ensues, until Jack quietly stabs me in the throat and dumps me overboard. At this point the film will take a surprisingly somber note, and children in the audience might even gasp a bit. But then Jack will make a joke about the rum being gone, at which point everything will be cool again.

Homemade Boat for a Homemade Pirate Film

Yeah, so this guy built a boat. Why? Because he’s making a homemade pirate film. Why? Because his kids dig pirates. Why? Because, you know, pirates rule.

I doubt it will be Oscar material, and the CGI sea creatures might not be up to par with Disney, but hey, it might still be fun. I can think of at least three pirate films I’ve reviewed that it can’t actually be worse than, so there’s that. Plus, maybe it will have small children in fake beards pretending to swill rum, which is worlds better than dressing children up as vegetables. God, now I’ve creeped myself out.

El Segundo man builds boat in backyard for homemade pirate film – The Daily Breeze.

Review: Pirate Latitudes

Rating: ★★★☆☆

I’ll be perfectly honest – I was predisposed to not like this book. I actually found the very fact that it was published at all to be disrespectful to Michael Crighton’s legacy. It was published posthumously, you see. And while that may have been perfectly acceptable had Crighton just completed the finishing touches, but hadn’t yet got it to the publisher, my understanding is that this was far from the actual case. In fact, indications were that Crighton had written this book many years ago, and had chosen not to publish it – presumably because he didn’t feel it met his standards for public consumption.

So yeah, I thought it rude of Crighton’s estate to disregard his apparent wishes regarding this book – but hey, what do I know? I could be dead wrong on my interpretation of the situation. And so I attempted to read Pirate Lattitudes with a clear mind, and to evaluate/enjoy it without dwelling on the circumstances of its publication. Continue reading

Anne Bonny, Where Ya Been All Me Life?

PirateMod has long been known for making incredible, original pirate Ts, but once in a while they crank out a design so remarkable it bears special mention. Their new “Anne Bonny” shirt is one such design.

I don’t know what it is – the heaving bosom, the long slender legs, or the undead, soulless eyes – there’s just something intriguing about this lass. It’s actually the first in a series on Famous Women of Piracy, so keep an eye out.

PirateMod New Shirts

Roaring Dan Rum on the Horizon!

I was able to get a sneak peak (meaning taste. Or two. Or seven.) of Roaring Dan rum this past weekend, and look forward to reviewing it shortly. But meantime, figured you all would enjoy this news article on the subject:

Great Lakes Distillery rum set for release

I don’t know what sort of distribution it will have outside of Wisconsin, but for those who are localish, definitely try it out. A mixer rum, yes. But also a high-quality one with a very unique flavor. The maple-syrup element makes for some truly extraordinary drinks in the right hands.

Oh, and for the record, “Roaring” Dan Seavey isn’t the only person every arrested for piracy on the Great Lakes. But thanks to my influential friends, I was able to keep my name out of the papers.

Rum Girls and the Handyman (not a dirty movie title)

So the Pirates Dinner Adventure is expanding to include an adults-only format with the new Treasure Tavern, which is pretty sweet. While *WE* know better, many folks think pirates are just for the kiddies, so it’s always heartening to hear of an adult venue going pirate (as opposed to Treasure Island in Las Vegas, which decided to become “TI” at some point. Boo!) Continue reading

Review: Diplomático Reserva Exclusiva

Rating: ★★★½☆

I’ve stated many times that, for me, rum enjoyment begins not in the glass, but on the shelf. While you can’t judge a book by its cover, packaging matters. Rums like Diplomático Reserva Exclusiva clearly understand this truth – from its squat, frosted bottle to the montone, duty-stamp label this is a rum designed to convey a product that’s traveled a great distance, and a great exapanse of time, to find its way into your eager hands.

This initial impression is only slightly hindered by the plastic screw top and one-way diffuser, an understandable precaution to ensure the bottle hasn’t been refilled and resold by some miscreant, but I always feel robbed of the experience of working the cork for the first time. But let’s move on, as there’s rum to be poured… Continue reading

Micky Said the “D” Word – Pirates of the Caribbean: Armada of the Damned.

I have no X-Box360, and – much like Jack Sparrow’s catchphrases – my computer grows more dated with each passing day. I’m sure you’re already crying me a river, and that’s even before you’ve seen the images of the awesome new video game I likely won’t ever be able to play. Feast yer eyes:

This picture is of a tavern, in case you couldn’t tell. Also, since some readers haven’t figured it out yet, clicking the image will make it bigger, so you can bask in the glorious detail. You can almost smell the rum – which, despite this being a Disney title, strangely indeed smells of rum – musky and deadly. Continue reading