Review: Pirate Eyesbox

Rating: ★★★★☆
Purchase at

Is this the weirdest item I’ve ever reviewed? Maybe. Wait, there was that one rum that tasted of breakfast sausage

No, this is weirder.

It’s a pirate head. Well, most of a pirate head. Jawline up. And he appears to be sleeping. No larger than a baseball, his firey red hear spews in all directions. There’s even a braid or two amongst the locks. Continue reading

Review: “The Flare” Rum Tasting Glass

Rating: ★★★★☆

Let’s face it – for all our talk, for all our fancy clothes – we aren’t pirates. Oh, I’ve spent my share of time at sea, but I’ve never served time in a Turkish prison, never gutted a Spaniard, nor run off with the governor’s daughter. But I am true to piracy in at least one respect, and that’s via the rum. I drink the stuff – and not as some mixer in a froo-froo drink either. I drink it from a leather canteen at times, and a copper cup at others. But mostly I drink it from a small green goblet I found a garage sale.

I’ve been reviewing rum for some time. Over the years, I find that I’ve gotten much better and picking apart a rum and noticing its subtlties. This holds particularly true with smell. But one thing I’ve never paid much attention to was the shape of my glass. I know that wine buffs will say the glass makes all the difference, but those are wine drinkers – cocktail dandies who know even less about Spaniard gutting than I do. Why would I care what they think? Continue reading

Review: Hot Pirate Babes 2009 Calendar

Rating: ★★★★☆

So here it is mates – the review you’ve come to look forward to this time each year. The temperatures may drop, the leaves may fall, and the breeze up your slops may have a bit more bite to it than you generally prefer. But at least we have one thing to look forward to – meeting the 12 pirate babes with whom we’ll be sharing the coming year.

If you’re like me (and I know you are) then you view this time with anticipation and trepidation alike. After all, it’s not every day we learn what sort of lasses will be staring at us from our wall for the next twelve months, and I already know I’ll like some more than others (which is always awkward.) Take 2008, for example. Calendar-wise I’d say it was a pretty good year, although I never could come to terms with Ms. July’s over-eager grin – I just *knew* she’d slipped something in that mug she was holding up. And Ms. September left me feeling mighty uncomfortable and fearful for 30 long days. May and June, however, could have gone on forever, for all I cared. But this is the crux of the Hot Pirate Babes – artist and photographer Tiger Lee has generously invested his year scouring the ends of the Earth to select for our enjoyment 12 pirate beauties – some being women of action, others of mystery, and still others of, well, you know. It’s like having your very own harem selected on your behalf by a guy you’ve never met. And being as tastes can so widely vary from one bloke to another, we can only hope he knows what he’s doing. So let’s take a look and find out… Continue reading

Review: Pirate Mermaid Prints

Rating: ★★★☆☆
David Delamare

OK mate – first thing you should know when decorating yer cabin/office/rec-room – old world maps, as great as they are, *can* be overdone. Proper pirate wall decor requires variety. It requires color and texture. It requires bare-chested mermaids.

Artist David Delware has released a series of three prints, each featuring various encounters between pirates and mermaids. They’re pretty, and they’re large (review prints were a hefty 10″ tall and 20″ wide.) All of them make fine use of “candlelight” coloring, focusing heavily on warm golds and with most other colors (with the exception of some blues) being rather muted for a nice, old-worldy effect.

Continue reading

Review: Crate Table

The Bilgemunky Logo is a trademark of Bilgemunky Enterprises, LLC

Rating: ★★★★½
The Pirate Furniture Company

Whether at an encampment or in your office, the downside of accumulating lots of cool pirate booty is having a place to put it. And while some would argue that any old shelf or table would serve just fine, I’d submit that the only proper place to store your pirate booty is on a proper pirate table.

We’ve previously reviewed the folding Camp Stool from the Pirate Furniture Company – an invaluable item that still serves me well today. And now we have a second opportunity to view their work with their Crate Table – a small table suitable for an endtable, or well matched to sit at as a makeshift desk when combined with the afformentioned Camp Stool. Continue reading

Review: Bottell

Rating: ★★★★★
Leather Lore

Let’s face it – by and large, most of our pirate gear and garb is just for show. True, some of us look to acquire higher quality, functional clothing that will stand up to the elements and spaniards alike, while others opt for strictly “fashionable” items that serve no purpose except to look awsome and piratey. And this is what makes a Leather Lore Bottell stand apart – it’s virtually a practical necessity.

Bottells are basically leather canteens. They’re available in either pitch or wax lining (pitch allows for more colors, while wax restricts you to black or brown. Wax, however, is safer for use with hard liquors, i.e. RUM!) and in 16 or 32 oz capaicities. The cork is turned wood held in place with a leather cord – not one item of modern material is present. They’re solid and rigid, and though the manufacturer does warn that it’s possible to crush and ruin them, they seem very sturdy and well-built. Continue reading

Review: Pirate Doubloons

Rating: ★★★★☆
Northwest Territorial Mint

The problem with having a pocketfull of doubloons is twofold:

1) They’re quite rare
and 2) They’re so bloody expensive.

That’s why almost to the pirate, any of us who want to walk around in our finery with a little jingle in our pockets must settle for some sort of replica. Generally these repicas are either cheap-ass plastic (great for giving away to kids, but pretty unconvincing to anyone over six), or the higher quality metal variety. To my knowledge, most all the metal coins on the market are made from a basic soft metal, then coated with the appropriate gold or silver shine. Generally speaking they serve just fine, but now and then you might want something a tad nicer. Continue reading

Review: 2008 Hot Pirate Babe Calendar

Rating: ★★★★☆
Hot Pirate Babes

As if the year wasn’t going by fast enough, it seems that 2008 calendars are now on the market. It’s a notion I find frightening, but at least the 2008 Hot Pirate Babes Calendar is here to give us a more inviting taste of what’s in store for the coming year.

I’ve previously reviewed the 2007 Hot Pirate Babes Calendar, and I’m pleased to note that 2008 will carry forth in the fine precedent set – that being one of hot babes (appropriately enough) gussied up in pirate gear and holding pirate accessories in pirate settings and striking pirate poses. It’s a simple enough formula (at least on paper), and one that works rather well. Continue reading

Review: Folding Camp Stool

Rating: ★★★★★
Pirate Furniture Company

It was a warm spring eve when the first speck of daylight peaked out from behind the stormclouds what bombarded us throughfore the day. The landlocked crew was emerging from a long afternoon bunkered beneath the shelters, and most figured it was time to enjoy some grog beneath this small sliver of sunlight we was granted before nightfall. I myself was of like mind, and led the way to the makeshift bar that had been erected. But once the rum was poured, we realized the tragedy of our situation – we’d nowhere to rest ourselves. The ground was all but saturated, puddled and muddy, yet nary a chair was in view. And while pirates don’t think much of a little dirt, sitting in a pool of slimy muck is best left ta pigs and spaniards. One by one, the swabs around me resigned themselves ta standin while they drank, except for the remote few that just gave up and settled their flanks inta the muck beneath their toes. But as for me own self? I charted a different course. Continue reading

Review: Hot Pirate Babes 2007 Calendar

Rating: ★★★½☆
Hot Pirate Babes

How many times have a bunch of blokes been sitting together and come up with the brilliant notion, “hey, we should make a calendar of hot pirate babes!” Without a doubt, the idea has been tossed about many a time. But for some reason it wasn’t until 2007 that someone actually took the project to task. And thus was born Tiger Lee’s “Hot Pirate Babes Calendar”, being the ultimate in aptly titled products this side of the Grand Canyon.

Hot Pirate Babes features 12 months of seagoing beauties – each of them armed. And while most are somewhat under-dressed for combat, many nonetheless sport combative snarles that make it clear they have something other than amore on their minds. I mention this point because it’s a subject that draws wildly different reactions from different viewers. The calendar’s cover, in fact, features a buxom blonde firing her pistol and bearing her pearly whites in a manner that says anything but “come hither.” (Unless, of course, it’s “come hither so I may gut you like a spaniard.”) In my own experience scorned women have proven best avoided, and aren’t something I would normally opt to pin to my wall (we’re talking calendars, remember.) Some of my mates, however, have clearly differed on this subject, and expressed that a warlike countenance can be quite the turn-on. Continue reading