I should be doing updates. I should be writing reviews. But how can I possibly worry about Bilgemunky.com when the spirit of the holidays has so completely engulfed my being???

Actually, that’s a bit of a stretch. In truth, I’ve done nothing but try and ignore the fact that Christmas is upon us as I worry about every other little facet of my existence (and the release of Sid Meier’s Pirates certainly hasn’t helped.) But I figured I could at least take a few moments and share a few gift ideas with those of you shopping for the pirate in your life.

I’ll skip the obvious, like a subscription to No Quarter Given, or a fine shirt from PirateMod – if your pirate doesn’t already have these, then get to it post haste (you can find these and other piratey gift ideas on my links and reviews pages.) But if they’re sitting on a healthy stash of booty and swag and you don’t know where to begin, here are a few ideas that might catch them by surprise. We’ll start cheap, and work our way up:

• At only $3.50, Sunburst Soap Company’s West Indian Bay Rum glycerine soap is a steal. Perhaps your pirate doesn’t bathe, but this soap provides a unique incentive – when lathered up, it smells amazingly like Pyrat Cask 23 rum. Now, as all rum afficianadoes know, this is a very unique and exclusive rum – not easy to come by. So what could make you feel more like a pirate king than soaking in the stuff? Sunburst also makes a fine Bay Rum body lotion, which smells good and works great, but lacks that unique scent of Cask 23.
• For $35, your pirate can smell his best with St. John’s Cutlass Cologne. Actually, I’ve yet to sample it – I rarely use cologne, so the bottle I have will likely outlast the decade. But still, the stuff is called CUTLASS, for crying out loud. I fully intend to try it some day, and you should too.
• If your pirate is still a youngin’, the Maxim Venture Ship puts all other toys to shame. Gorgeous, wooden, and HUGE, this has got to be the coolest pirate ship available for under $100.
• For somewhere between $175 and $1,200, any pirate would love to have an origninal Thomas Webb painting (I know I would.) Inspired by the music of Captain Bogg and Salty, this is some of the finest pirate art available, and there are still a few available for sale.
• Has your pirate been really, really, really good? Pyrate Style makes some fine leather clothing – some of it quite piratey. I’m partial to the Pyrate Jacket. But at $2,895, I don’t think I’ll find it under the tree this year.
• Still looking for more? If you’re really out to impress, nothing goes straight to the heart like rum. And no rum is more elite than British Royal Navy Imperial Rum. Sold by the gallon in a handmade ceramic jar, this is THE stuff. Not available at most stores, you’ll likely have to order it. Park Avenue Liquor has a bottle available for a mere $6,000.

Have fun, and don’t go in the red. Yarrr!!!