So TGI Fridays has just launched their summer menu, which means virtually everything is drizzled in Captain Morgan. Not that I expect Fridays to be the pinnacle of culinary creativity, but the pervasive use of Captain Morgan Sauce does seem rather like the Chicken McNuggets school of ethnic food (dip the McNugget in teriyaki and hey, it’s an Asian meal! Chipotle? Welcome to Cancun!!!)

T.G.I. FRIDAY’S(R) RESTAURANTS INTRODUCE CARIBBEAN-INSPIRED SUMMER MENU

Still, it might be pretty good. And besides, when I was a kid I was pretty psyched about Chicken McNuggets Shanghai – I’d eat dozens at a time. They served it with three Asian sauces, a fortune cookie, and chopsticks. I would eat it and pretend I was a ninja. Not that I thought ninjas were cool, mind you – I just wanted to get inside their heads so I could better destroy their evil ways. As it turns out, Ninjas spend a great deal of time with tummy aches and belching unpleasant combinations of hot mustard and chicken grease.