Rating:
Captain Dan and the Scurvy Crew
www.piraterap.com

Genre: Pirate-themed gansta rap
Rating: R
Target Audience: Immature adults 😛

What happens when you mix rum and Crunk Juice…

I’m going to lay it right out – this review is going to begin with one relatively irrelevant criticism. It will then continue on to gush the praises of this album with shameless enthusiasm. And that’s just how it’s going to be.

The CD case for Authentic Pirate Hip-Hop by Captain Dan and the Scurvy Crew features a weak-ass looking pirate wearing $5 worth of Halloween clearance rack pirate gear. Upon viewing this album cover, you might be inclined to toss it aside and assume the music itself to be just as half-hazardly composed. And who could blame you? First impressions matter, and Captain Dan just doesn’t perform in this regard.

There, that was the one single criticism. If you buy your albums for the covers, skip Authentic Pirate Hip-Hop, it ain’t for you.

So time to start gushing – I LOVE THIS ALBUM!!! I’m hard pressed to not declare it the pirate album of the century right here on the spot. It’s brilliant in every sense of the meaning. But before you rush out and buy it based on these initial glowing words, you should know what you’re getting yourself in to. Authentic Pirate Hip-Hop is exactly what it claims – gangsta rap about pirates. And it shares much with the genre that inspired it – strong catchy beats, violent lyrics disrespectful of ho’s, and shockingly foul language.

It’s difficult for me to convey the instrumentals in words, as they’re virtually all synthisized. Suffice to say, each song is wildly distinctive from the next, while consistently offering strong bass and snappy tunes. If you didn’t understand the english language, the music and lyrics together sound incredibly reminescent of the modern hop-hop gangsta rap genre, and could easily be at home next to the likes of Lil’ John or the Yin Yang Twins. But if you DO understand the language, then the ride gets even more fun.

Throughout the album, Captain Dan sings about how awsome he is – or if not that, then how hot the wenches are. Songs such as 7 Seas, Flintlock Glock, and Real Swashbucklers are all wonderfully ripe with shameless self-promotion (which is quite typical amongst the genre – piratey or otherwise.) Other songs address the seedier matters of drugs and prostitution, as in Sea Weeds and Round the Corner Sallies, while even others go on to address the difficulties of the pirate life, such as Mutiny and My Cannon.

All told, it’s 11 full songs of exceptionally composed pirate rap. Most of the songs contain several naughty words, including ample usage of the almighty “f-word” – and Round the Corner Sallies has imagery that borders on the pornographic. As such, this isn’t an album for the wee ones, nor the easily (and not-so-easily) offended. But this album just wouldn’t be the same without the cursing. Like all great – and I mean truly great – parody, Captain Dan and his Scurvy Crew are so close to the genre they’re mimicking that if it weren’t for the pirate nature of the lyrics you’d never even realize they were poking fun. They hit the mark with incredibly accuracy, and the resulting album is shear genius.