Review: Hot Pirate Babes 2009 Calendar

Rating: ★★★★☆

So here it is mates – the review you’ve come to look forward to this time each year. The temperatures may drop, the leaves may fall, and the breeze up your slops may have a bit more bite to it than you generally prefer. But at least we have one thing to look forward to – meeting the 12 pirate babes with whom we’ll be sharing the coming year.

If you’re like me (and I know you are) then you view this time with anticipation and trepidation alike. After all, it’s not every day we learn what sort of lasses will be staring at us from our wall for the next twelve months, and I already know I’ll like some more than others (which is always awkward.) Take 2008, for example. Calendar-wise I’d say it was a pretty good year, although I never could come to terms with Ms. July’s over-eager grin – I just *knew* she’d slipped something in that mug she was holding up. And Ms. September left me feeling mighty uncomfortable and fearful for 30 long days. May and June, however, could have gone on forever, for all I cared. But this is the crux of the Hot Pirate Babes – artist and photographer Tiger Lee has generously invested his year scouring the ends of the Earth to select for our enjoyment 12 pirate beauties – some being women of action, others of mystery, and still others of, well, you know. It’s like having your very own harem selected on your behalf by a guy you’ve never met. And being as tastes can so widely vary from one bloke to another, we can only hope he knows what he’s doing. So let’s take a look and find out…

To start with, if you’re already familiar with Hot Pirate Babes 2007 and 2008, then it should come as no surprise that 2009 again features a hot pirate babe each month posing against artistically enhanced backgrounds (some cynics might point out that the backgrounds aren’t the only things “enhanced”, but they’re just haters.) It’s a tried and true method, and one that we shouldn’t expect to see change any time soon, although Tiger Lee has thrown us a curveball in November with a pair of babes sharing a single month. But this small deviation aside, this new calendar remains true to its roots as a monthly tome of pirate hotness.

Moving on to the very important HPBFET, in which we explore the aggression levels of 2009’s Hot Pirate Babes compared to the Babes of years past, we do find some surprising shifts in course: 

Hot Pirate Babes Facial Expression Tally (HPBFET)
  2007 2008 2009
Let’s Fight 6 2 4
Let’s Party 2 1 2
Let’s Flirt 4 5 6
Let’s… 0 3 0

For those of you who enjoy a fiesty lass who’d as soon split your gizzard as wink at you, you’re in luck. After a significant drop from ’07 to ’08 in the “Let’s Fight” category, 2009 sees a slight increase to 4 women who’ll likely seek to spill your guts during their month-long reign. “Let’s Party” has more or less maintained its ground, while “Let’s Flirt” continues its slow but steady climb upward. And yet, the truly frisky lasses of “Let’s…” seem to have gone missing entirely. All this said, I should point out that the snarls of 2007 are still happily behind us. Rather, most of the “Let’s Fight” gals sport a more quietly sinister expression, which I find vastly preferable to the teeth-baring we’ve seen in the past. Indeed, many times the difference between “Let’s Fight” and “Let’s Flirt” is only noticeable by careful reading of the eyes. But don’t worry, I’m an expert in looking past the weapons in a woman’s hands to determine what’s actually on her mind – and I would never lead you astray.

Tooth-baring aside, there are still a few uneasy expressions in the bunch. June and September are both a bit awkward, and May seems to be in the midst of catching flies. But Ms. May makes up for this by sporting no more than a moderately sized belt covering her nethers, a fashion trend shared by her shipmates in January and August, who use mere sashes and baldrics to similar commendable effect.

The Hot Pirate Babes 2007 Calendar was a fine idea and an adequate final product. 2008 saw definite improvement in several respect regarding attire, poses, facial expressions, and overall artistry. 2009 looks to be quite on par with ’08. And while the aforementioned June, September, and May might lack a certain polish, these months are vastly counterbalanced by the likes January, February, August, October, November, and December, which are each fine examples of what – with the proper artistic direction – a Hot Pirate Babe can truly be.

2 thoughts on “Review: Hot Pirate Babes 2009 Calendar

  1. Yaaaaar! That be a hot calendar indeed. Too bad Molly Roger didn’t keep your quote like the other year. That was a good’n.

  2. In case anyone is curious about said quote. It was, “I like pirates and I like babes… the hotter the better”. Not soothsayer material, but certainly a good one.

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