Dress Like a Pirate
It never fails – you’re heading to a family picnic with a fresh bottle of rum when some young barnacle throws a frisbee right in your face. You, in a fit of blind rage, throw your rum at the scalliwagg in piratey retaliation, only to see it shatter against the pavement. The brat runs off scot-free, leaving you crouched down and sobbing like a schoolgirl – but it’s not the shards of broken glass pressing into your kneecaps that make you weep – nay – it’s that your rum is rapidly soaking into the ground. Some ants and earthworms days have been made, but your own is forever ruined.
The way I see it, there are two ways you could have prevented this catastrophe. The first is to enroll in an anger management program. This frequently involves time, money, and sitting in a circle with strangers while you talk about “feelings” and perhaps even hug. Bullocks to that, says I.
The second way is to invest in a specially designed Indian Rosewood Grog Box from Dress Like a Pirate. Its wood and metal construction will protect your precious rum even while you club some young ruffian upside the head with it. Everybody wins!
It should be noted that the Dress Like a Pirate Grog Box does not fit ALL rum bottles – indeed, with such an abundance of short, tall, round, square, etc bottles, this would be an impossibility. But it does fit a surprisingly wide range – super tall bottles such as Cruzan Single Barrel and Sea Wynde fit just fine, as do some of the stockier bottles such as Pussers and Angostura 1824. Extremely wide bottles, though, such as Pyrat XO, are simply out of the question.
The Indian Rosewood Grog Box features attractive, sturdy construction. While I don’t specifically recommend using it as a bludgeoning device, I wouldn’t exactly discourage it either (assuming the spaniard deserves it – which they generally do.) The clasp will accomodate a small lock (not included) although it’s too thin to keep anyone out for long. But that’s ok, as defending your booty in person is half the fun!