I just received a question via email, and thought that the wisdom I shared was just too splendid to be wasted on just one reader. So rather than replying to him directly, here’s the question and answer in all its public glory.

Q: Oh great, powerful and wise Bilgemunky. I’m listening to Cpt. Dan and during “The code” song he says “… and the captians daughter you’ll be sure to taste”. WTF does that mean? Did i just misunderstand the words, I don’t have any lyrics with me. If that IS what he says, what does that mean?

-Doglock Hawk

A: Doglock,

Surely you’ve heard the traditional sea song “Drunken Sailor”, in which one of the common answers to “what shall we do with said drunkard” is to “make him kiss the captain’s daughter.” Are you saying it never occurred to you that kissing the fruit of the captain’s loins seems rather light a punishment? Actually, my phrasing there might not be the best, as the Captain’s loin fruit is best avoided, especially when the lips are concerned. Anyways, no, the Captain’s Daughter isn’t a young lass, but rather the Cat ‘o Nine Tails – which is of course a nine-tailed whip, and not a freakish mutation brought on by lax ethics in the bio-engineering industry. So when Captain Dan suggests that one is about to taste the captain’s daughter, he means you’ll soon feel the lick of a whip across your back; a flogging, as it were.

As an addendum, kissing the “Gunner’s Daughter” was also a popular punishment. Many historians claim that this was essentially the same punishment, except for the additional factor of being tied down, spooning a cannon. This would allow the fellow doing the flogging to get a little extra boo-ya with each downward stroke… except that it’s all malarkey. True students of maritime history all agree that kissing the Gunner’s Daughter was indeed a literal term, and despite what you’re likely thinking, she was neither fat nor ugly, but was actually considered quite fetching by the standards of the day. So where’s the punishment in locking lips with the gunner’s sexy offspring?

Simply put, she was a biter.

-Bilge