That’s right mates – if’n ya be the literate sort, then here’s your chance to be the first on your block to read The Pirate Devlin, being the new pirate novel from Mark Keating:
In THE PIRATE DEVLIN, Mark Keating delivers a gripping adventure novel in which a servant captured by pirates becomes their captain and finds himself searching for a king’s fortune–on a course set to pit him against his former master, a man now sworn to kill him. Fans of Patrick O’Brien and C.S. Forrester will be swept up in the high seas battles, chases, and trickery. Keating’s debut brings all the excitement and fury of the 18th-century’s golden age of piracy.
So how do you win, you ask? Two things you have to do – first, respond to this post in the comments by telling us all the first thing you’d buy if YOU had a king’s fortune at hand. And no, responding on Facebook or Twitter doesn’t count – you have to respond right here at Bilgemunky.com. Do so by Monday August 9th, 2010, because that evening I’ll draw two winners from the entries and read them out on Bilgemunky Radio. I will NOT announce the winners here – you gotta listen to Bilgemunky Radio episode 138, either live on Monday, or via podcast if you want to know if you’re the winner. I’ll give you a week to get your act together, at which point if you haven’t claimed your prize I’ll just give it to Doglock Hawk, who’s been practicin’ his letters something fierce this year and hopes to learn to read real good.
I be willin’ ter try readin’ one o’ dem book t’ings! }f’ ye be so kind ‘der kind Capt’n!
hhmmm.a kings fortune you say….truthfully…id probably spend most of it to see Luna in the water and sailing….and outfit a proper blacksmith shop for meself.
Hi ya Bilge – let’s see if I had a kings fortune – I would first make a BIG donation to Bilgemunky.com to keep ya on the air forever. Then I would buy a new car and a house!
Well the first thing I would do would have to be to go out and buy a Manatee and a way to make it (If it were not already so) Amorous just so I could walk, well stride into town and go up to any wench who take my fancy and ask if she’d like to see my amorous manatee!
Iiffin’ I had a King’s ransom, I’d be outta this landlocked state where I reside, and set sail to St. Thomas. I’d while away me days drinkin’ rum, oglin’ pretty girls, and drinkin’ more rum. An’ I may sail about the islands, ‘avin’ a grand ol’ time.
well, first I’d need to buy a new hat and then I’d set sail outta New Jersey and head to some place better…
If a King’s fortune, I did procure,
To a Caribbean island I’d retire for sure,
Swaying in a hammock, woven in golden filigree,
With bottles of Old Goslings surrounding me.
If i had a king’s fortune.
I’d Rule the sea
Why wenches and rum, mate. A’course.>;)~
If’n I had a Kings Fortune …I would Purchase CBS Radio and change the Names and Formats of all Jack FM stations to Bilgemunky FM … Then Purchase BlackBeards ship from Disney …anchor it in the Caribbean an set it up to be Bilgemunky Radio Broadcasting Headquarters…P^)>
A king’s fortune you say, I get me a fine pirating ship and a crew and sail the seas, island hopping til the day I died.
I would open a beach side bar on the Gulf of Thailand, and call it the Phuket Yawl. We would stock every rum available, ice cold Thai beer and white hot Thai wenches.
My Thai built Hans Christian ketch would be safely moored at my nearby island hideout for quick getaways, treasure hunting and sea snake harvesting. (Tasty with rice and fish sauce.)
There, with my crew of ex-patriot numbnutz and a slew of bastard children, I would age gracelessly, and express my excesses endlessly.
Oh, and I would fix my radio.
If I had a King’s fortune, I’d buy my next door neighbor’s house and kick the current renters out of there, because they’re in a band and play the drums too loud. Then, when they left, I’d let a bunch of hot Swedish college girls move in for free — provided they wash my new sailboat in skimpy white T-shirts each and every day. I wouldn’t even use the sailboat. It’s just an excuse to flaunt my wealth. Meanwhile, my new custom-built pirate ship (complete with modern amenities) will be docked in the Sacramento River, where I can take it along the delta and out towards the Pacific — if I wanted to. Which I wouldn’t, because I’d be too busy partying on my ship. If I wanted to search for treasure, I’d have one of the hot Swedish college girls bury some of my “King’s Fortune” in a random location. She’d then give me directions to find it — in Swedish — and I’d spend my time using Google translation services to help decipher it. If I couldn’t find it in a reasonable amount of time, I’d just have a hot Brazilian girl studying Swedish find it for me. While all of this is going on, I’ll spend my sober hours finding the current living whereabouts of my old neighbors who I kicked out earlier, and buy up those residences too. I’ll then graffitti — in big, bold letters — that their band sucks on the garage door of each of my newly owned buildings. Maybe I’ll finally let them live in one of the homes, but only if they change their name to “The Obnoxious Douchebags, featuring Douchey Mc Douche from Douchetown, Douche Dakota”. Ok. Back to me. I’ll open up the most awesome bar on my ship, and let everyone in provided they know the secret password. (And the password is: “Bilgemunky Corderoy”.) Pirate bands will get to play at my music venue, and if they suck they’ll be forced to walk the plank. Maybe I’ll hire the Douchebags weekly to walk the plank, just for entertainment purposes. Who knows? I have a King’s fortune, and I’ll do what I want!
If i had a king’s fortune i wouldn’t buy anything big or extravagant. I would stash it, but i would quit my job and live sparingly off the money i have stashed. i would invest some of it and after a few years of earning some interest i would invest in everything needed to create a pirate music festival with a travelling rum bar. oh yeah, and i i would stock up on glass eyes.
Portland, Oregon is in dire need of a magnificent pirate ship and a suitable moorage fer like-minded folk with lesser-but-still-piratey vessels, and a grand place for World Record quantities of piraticals to gather. If I had a king’s ransom, I’d buy a marina on the Columbia and outfit it for year-long pirate wonderland, complete with my own beauteous ships (square-rigged AND schooner) and water taxi service to downtown. It would be a piratical Shangri-La, complete with camping facilities, multiple rum bars, daily cannon battles, and sailing adventures on the Columbia. Sound like fun? ‘Course it does!
With a kings ransom, I would buy a king’s armory. I thought that answer was obvious because it gives me plenty of arms to take everything else I want by force, in true piratical fashion. What real pirate buys a ship anyway?
If I had a kings fortune, Id hire a monkey to read Reds posts and give me the jist of it.
I would use a kings fortune to get me stateside for the next NorCal and spend up on all sorts of piratical wonderments. After spending all I could at NorCal I would probably split what’s left three ways. One part buried somewhere for safekeepin, one part on all rum I can get me greedy mitts on, and one part donated directly to Bilgemunkys glorious, venerable, honourable awesome-sodden self.
Kings fortune … well, the Queen is worth about $400 million apparently, which is a lot. If I had that amount of money I would be able to afford to fly to the States and visit all the pirate events I want, and it would be the very definiton of awesomeness. Then I would visit Bilgemunky and buy him a pint and convert him to the brilliant ways of archaeological piratical way of life before returning home via the rest of the world and taking a picture of me and a pirate flag at every archaeological monument I find and then posting them to the Knife Fighters with samples of the finest local brew. That should leave a few million left and I would blow all that on chocolate. Anyway, I want to read this book! It looks cool and feature a great hat, and we all know hats are cool. Mine is made from a dead kangaroo.
If I had a King’s fortune, the first thing I would buy would be the services of a good accountant and a good attorney, so that I wouldn’t have to worry about the irresponsible way I spent the rest of the money.
I would tell people I would do all sorts of wise and wonderful things with it, put it in savings, donate to charity and only get a few small fun things for myself all the while preparing for a kingly retirement.
Truth be told I’d blow it all during a long weekend in vegas.
If I had a Kings fortune I’d buy Twinkies.
Lots and lots of Twinkies.
I’d travel the countryside throwing Twinkies to the people, becoming known as “Johnny Twinkieseed” as I spread the cream-filled goodness to all, ending misery wherever I go.
The FIRST thing I be doin’ with me king’s fortune is to be contractin’ Bilgemunky to DJ the biggest damn pirate party this side of the Mississippi, which I will be puttin on usin’ the rest o’ me king’s fortune. That’s what I be doin’ with me fortune. Whatever’s left, gets spent on rum. Lots and lots o’ rum.
A Kings’ fortune;things that make you go hummmmm!!! I’d update me ship The JadeScorpion,set sail to an island with Beautiful Wenches and Sirens fer me and me krewe of fellow scallywags,by some Gold,several Dogs,Leopards,some Red,Blue Macaws,Lots of the “KRACKEN RUM” AND OF COURSE,The Bilgemunkey playin some great pirate tunes,along with some Techno,Plenty of good food,a nice Colonial Home and a Ford Mustang to drive around.Help those who have real needs!!! Then tell King Obama and all of his croonies to take a hike and leave us Pirates alone