So I was pretty stoked when I saw Old Spice’s “Swagger” at my local supermarket. I mean, just look at it! The red and black label, the very name “swagger”, and of course Old Spice’s long tradition of making you smell, well, old. And spicy. Anyways, I figured if ever there was an underarm deodorant that would make you smell piratey, this must be it.

Well, let’s not get too excited. First and foremost Swagger smells like nothing more than underarm deodorant. You know that smell that all other deodorants have? Yeah, that smell. Maybe it’s the smell of the aluminum zirconium trichlorohydrex, but it has that same, non-distinctive perfuminess that they all seem to have. Coupled with that smell that they add to all “manly” deodorants so as to distinguish them from girly ones. Let’s call it “Drakkar.”

So beneath these initial, primary aromas, is there an underlying foundation of pirate smells? Beats me, I’ve already grown bored with it. Which probably means no.