Review: 2011 Hot Pirate Babes Calendar

Rating: ★★★★½

Now entering its fifth year, the Hot Pirate Babes Calendar has become a mainstay within the pirate community. Indeed, there’s a special place on my office wall that just wouldn’t be the same if it didn’t have a fetching pirate lass – be she angry or inviting – staring at me throughout her 30(ish) day reign. 2011 is nearly upon us, so now’s the time to lock in your year of pirate hotness. If you want it to be a year of surprises, then read no further as I will now engage in my annual ritual of evaluating these lasses’ varying degrees of pirateyness, combativeness, and – indeed – hotness.

January begins the year with a strong baseline. “Coastal Beauty” isn’t so much a remarkable or terribly creative photo as it is classic. The model boasts an “almost” functional pirate outfit (hardly historically accurate, but she might not catch her death at least) with weapons at the ready. Her steady face looks like she’s preparing to aim her flintlock – but what’s this? It’s not you she’s studying, but something over your left shoulder. Perhaps a villainous seagull, or god-forbid an airship pirate. Continue reading

Club Hedonism Goes Pirate!!!

Proving that piracy is indeed the Worcestershire Sauce of the world (it makes everything better), Hedonism II has announced their upcoming Pirate Fantasy Fest. And seriously, the link is NSFW, so don’t click it if that might get you in trouble or offend your sensibilities.

For those that don’t know, Hedonism II is supposed to be a sexually-charged Jamaican resort. I’ve never been, but my understanding it always makes for a memorable, exciting vacation. And that it will be pirate-themed the week of October 23-30 can only add to the equation – Booze Cruises, harlot contests, pirate garb fashion show, pirate-erotic stage show… the only thing they seem to be missing is the world’s greatest pirate DJ. Hmmm…

So yeah, the long and short of it – sexy pirate vacation, and apparently some real efforts to make it awesomely pirate themed!

Pirate “Adult” Toys

So a while back I learned about an upcoming line of toys being produced based on Pirates 2: Stagnetti’s Revenge. Shucks, I was excited as I envisioned my very own Captain Reynolds action figure bravely combating the evil Stagnetti, while the mighty Jules attempts to thwart Xifeng’s efforts to make zombies or something. Ah, such times we would have.

Well, guess what? The toys are now released, and they’re not quite what I’d envisioned. It seems that “adult” toys sometimes don’t mean action figures for grownups, but rather something quite different. To get an idea of what I’m talking about, check out this picture, but don’t click it if you shouldn’t (that means you, kiddies!)

There’s more – you can view them for yourselves at fine adult establishments everywhere. Adam&Eve, for example, has a wide selection of piratey naughty toys, just run a search for “pirate.”

Review: Hot Pirate Babes 2010 Calendar

Rating: ★★★★☆

I’m still putting 2008 on my checks, and here comes the 2010 Hot Pirate Babes Calendar. How the time flies.

I’ve reviewed the previous three incarnations of this calendar, so feel free to read those reviews if you *really* need an explanation of just what a “hot pirate babes” calendar contains. The rest of us, however, shall jump into the nuts and bolts of the matter and consider just what 2010 appears to have in store.

As with other years, the 2010 calendar features a range of pirate babes, some of whom hit the “hot” mark with more grace than others. Five months, in fact, offer babes of reasonably passable hotness. February brings us a gypsy gal for those who prefer their girls to exercise a little modesty (in the face, if not exactly elsewhere), Continue reading

Review: Pirates 2 – Stagnetti’s Revenge (adults only)

Rating: ★★½☆☆

Following its release in 2006, Pirates: A Joone Film made movie history. Not only was it the highest budgeted adult film ever, but it was also the first to cross over into mainstream cinema. By cutting the bulk of the sex scenes to establish an R rating, the remaining film was still highly enjoyable – a feature in stark contrast to the adult film stereotype, and certainly a commendable achievement.

Like its presumed inspiration, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, Pirates: A Joone Film was a daunting undertaking that was successfully achieved thanks to the “outside of the box” thinking of the production crew, writers, and direction. And also like the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, Pirates: A Joone Film’s sequel, Pirates 2: Stagnetti’s Revenge managed to fall into a common trap – namely production value over plot. Continue reading


Provocateur has released a line of Pirate lingerie. Well, sort of. The pictures look awfully piratical, but if you check out which items are actually for sale all the good pieces seem to be just for the photo shoot. This image, for example – the only item they’re selling is the bottom with the suspenders. I mean, what now? Without the coat and boots, how the hell is leather leather hot pants with suspenders even remotely piratey? Or sexy, for that matter?

Nice try, I guess. But I’m not as impressed as I wish I were.

Review: Hot Pirate Babes 2009 Calendar

Rating: ★★★★☆

So here it is mates – the review you’ve come to look forward to this time each year. The temperatures may drop, the leaves may fall, and the breeze up your slops may have a bit more bite to it than you generally prefer. But at least we have one thing to look forward to – meeting the 12 pirate babes with whom we’ll be sharing the coming year.

If you’re like me (and I know you are) then you view this time with anticipation and trepidation alike. After all, it’s not every day we learn what sort of lasses will be staring at us from our wall for the next twelve months, and I already know I’ll like some more than others (which is always awkward.) Take 2008, for example. Calendar-wise I’d say it was a pretty good year, although I never could come to terms with Ms. July’s over-eager grin – I just *knew* she’d slipped something in that mug she was holding up. And Ms. September left me feeling mighty uncomfortable and fearful for 30 long days. May and June, however, could have gone on forever, for all I cared. But this is the crux of the Hot Pirate Babes – artist and photographer Tiger Lee has generously invested his year scouring the ends of the Earth to select for our enjoyment 12 pirate beauties – some being women of action, others of mystery, and still others of, well, you know. It’s like having your very own harem selected on your behalf by a guy you’ve never met. And being as tastes can so widely vary from one bloke to another, we can only hope he knows what he’s doing. So let’s take a look and find out… Continue reading


If you love pirates, and you love, er, “adult” entertainment, then get ready for an exciting September! Pirates 2: Stagnetti’s Revenge is fast approaching! Not much in way of specifics as yet, but from the poster I’d wager they read my review of the first movie in which I commented that it was a little blonde-centric. Looks to me like we now have brunette’s trumping the blondes by a 5-2 margin. Not that I care really, so long as at least one of them satisfies the “braided bad-ass” vacancy left by Serena from the first film (and I’m betting on the chick second from the left.)

View a teaser at Don’t worry, it’s just a skeleton in a storm, so nothing naughty yet.